How to Ask a Girl out After You Rejected Her

Co-authored by Cher Gopman

Last Updated: January 15, 2023 References

So a girl asked you out, and you turned her down. Now you have changed your mind and want to give things a chance. Before you ask her out, pay attention to how she acts around you and see how she reacts when you open the lines of communication. If she seems to be interested, ask her out on a date.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Determining If She Is Interested

1
Open the lines of communication.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} You may not be sure how she feels about you at this point. If she does not respond, or takes a long time, that is a sign that she is not interested. It might help you to be honest when reaching out to her and acknowledge your previous rejection. You might say something like, "Hey, sorry for telling you no when you asked to hang out. I'm not sure what was going on with me..."^{[2]
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- If she responds to your messages, she may still be interested. If she does not respond or takes a day or two to respond, she may not be interested.
- Also pay attention to how she responds. If she only responds with one word answers and does not try to keep the conversation going, she may not be interested.
2
Pay attention to her body language. Try to spend time around her if you can. Her actions can let you know if she is still into you. Things you can look for include fronting, proximity, touching, and lingering eye contact.^{[3]
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- Fronting refers to the positioning of her body when she speaks with you. If her body is turned towards you, this is a good sign.
- Proximity refers to how close she stands to you when you talk. If she is standing within 18 inches of you, she is likely interested. To test this out, take a step closer to her when you are talking. If she stays in the same spot, she is interested. If she takes a step back, she may not be interested.^{[4]
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  Expert Source
  
  Cher Gopman
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}
- Touching refers to if and/or how she touches you when you talk to her. Does she touch your arm or shoulder? The more touching, the more interested she is.
- Making direct eye contact with you and staring for two or three seconds is also a good sign.^{[5]
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3
Talk to her friends. Her friends will know if you have a chance. They probably already know what happened between the two of you. Let her friends know that you really like her and you made a mistake. Ask them if they think you have a chance.
- You may say, “Hey, do you think Ashley would give me another chance? I really like her and made a mistake last time.”
- You could ask her friends, “Hey, I really like Ashley. Can you put in a good word for me?”
- If her friends say that she is not interested, ask them why and get some feedback. Ask them what you could do to change her mind.
- Her friends will probably tell her that you asked about her. This may help your case.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Asking Her Out

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Make sure she is alone. Go about your attempts in a quiet and modest way. Don't ask when other people are around. This will make it easier on both of you. You do not have to worry about being rejected in front of anyone, and she will not feel any pressure to say yes.
- If you are around other people, you may say, “Hey, can I talk to you for a second? I wanted to ask you something.”
- You can also send her a text message and tell her that you wanted to meet up with her.
2
Find a good opening line. Do not try to impress her with a joke or some grand gesture. Just be yourself and be straightforward.^{[6]
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Research source} Maybe you'll be lucky enough that she still wants to date you; however, given that you already rejected her, she might be very skeptical. The best way to do this is address it openly, acknowledging what happened and assuring her you are really interested.
- You might say, "Hey Ashley, you know when I told you no before, I was pretty nervous and didn't know how to respond. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I'd really like to get to know you better. Are you free this weekend?"
- It’s best to ask her out in person, but you can also ask her over the phone or through a text message.
3
Ask her to a specific activity.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} Inviting her to a specific activity shows that you are really trying to get to know her and will take some of the pressure off of you. Some good activities are skating, concerts, mini golf, or bowling. If possible, choose an activity that you know she will like.
- Tailor your conversation based on how she asked you out. You may say, "You know how you asked me earlier to go to a movie, and that didn't work out? Would you be free to see the "Transformers" movie next Tuesday? Because I'd like to take you."
4
Be polite if she rejects you. No matter what her answer is, be polite and respectful. She may still be hurt by your rejection or moved on to someone else. You want her to leave this conversation thinking that you are a nice person. She is more likely to reconsider if you end on a good note.
- If this happens, you can say, “Ok, I understand. If you change your mind, the offer is always on the table.”
- If she was the one who rejected you. Then she changed her mind, and now she loves you! But you still rejected her, and now she doesn't want you anymore! Be polite and she may take you back.
- If she still rejects you, or has moved on to someone else, it may be time to let go.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Examining Your Past Behavior

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Reflect on past events. Before you proceed, make sure you have thought about the past. Why did you turn her down in the first place?^{[8]
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Research source} How did you respond to her? Were you kind or rude? Does she think of you negatively because of how you responded? If you let her down gently, she may be more open to going out with you. If you were on the harsh side, it will be more difficult.
- For example, if she asked you out while you were in the presence of your friends, you looked her up and down, laughed and said "I don't think so," your chances of her accepting a date are pretty slim.
- Make a list of the reasons that you did not want to go out with her in the past. Have any of these things changed? Have you changed your perspective on the reasons?
2
Assess your motives. Do you want to go out with her because you truly like her? Do you want to go out with her just to see if she will say yes?^{[9]
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Research source} To figure out your true motives, make a list of the pros and cons about the situation.
- Your pros and cons should include the things that you like about her and the things that you do not like about her.
- If the pros are longer than the cons, you may actually like her. If the cons or longer than the pros, you may just be trying to stroke your ego.
3
Determine if you are willing to be honest with her. Whether you let her down easy or not, you probably hurt her feelings. She may have difficulty believing that you really want to go out with or her or she may think that you are playing with her emotions. Be honest with her about the reasons that you turned her down and let her know that you are serious this time around.^{[10]
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- If you were rude, you may say, “I’m sorry for how I handled things the first time. I thought things over and realized I made a mistake. I would love to take you out.”
- Maybe you were uncomfortable with her doing the asking. You may say, “I’m not used to girls asking me out, and it caught me off guard. Please give me another chance and let me take you out.”

Expert Q&A

Question

How should I approach someone if I've rejected them before?

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.

Cher Gopman

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Just try to start a conversation with them again to let them know that you're available and interested.