How to Ask Out Your Crush at School

Co-authored by Eddy Baller

Last Updated: March 5, 2023 References

Asking out your crush is a nerve-wracking experience, especially when you go to school together. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't give it a shot and tell them how you feel about them. You can work to get to know your crush to see if they're interested in going out with you, but in the end, the only way to know, is to ask!

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Getting to Know Your Crush

1
Become friends with your crush. Before you ask your crush to be your boyfriend or girlfriend, you should be actual friends first! Your crush is much more likely to say no to going out with you if they don't know who you are. Pay attention to them, use their name when you speak to them, and try to make some small talk whenever you can to start up a conversation.^{[1]
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- Ask your crush to sit with you at lunch or try to sit with your crush and their friends.
- Offer to be your crush's partner in group or class projects.
- Be friendly to your crush's friends as well. People's friends are often the people who know them best, so if you plan to ask out your crush, you should also be friends with their friends.
2
Talk to them about their interests and hobbies. Part of being friends with someone is sharing common interests. Talk to your crush about what their favorite music and movies are. Ask them what food they like and what foods they don't like. It may turn out that you have more in common than you think, and your relationship can become stronger because of it.^{[2]
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- It may also turn out that you don't have much in common at all, and that's okay, too!
- If your crush has a hobby that you're unfamiliar with, if you make an effort to learn about it and show interest in it, it could make your crush like you more.
- Be genuine about your interests. Your crush may be able to tell if you're pretending to like something and it could turn them away.
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3
Spend some time together outside of school. It's important to get to know your crush outside of the school setting, where people can feel more open to express themselves. You can ask your crush if they want to study or do homework with you to make it less awkward. Or you could invite them to hang out with you and your friends so they get to know them as well.^{[3]
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- Group activities like going to the movies are a great way to invite your crush to spend time with you without the pressure of spending time alone.
Tip: Extracurricular activities like your school's sporting events or clubs are a great chance to spend time together outside of school that isn't weird or awkward. Ask your crush if they'll be at the game later and tell them you hope to see them.
4
Exchange phone numbers and add them on social media. If you've become friends with your crush, then you can ask for their number and add them on social media to start communicating with them there. You can also find out more about your crush's interests from their social media profiles.
- Texting is a great, informal way of talking to your crush without the pressure of a phone conversation.
- Like and comment on their Facebook and Instagram posts and reply to their Snapchats to let them know you're thinking of them.^{[4]
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- Make sure you don't overdo it! If you come on too strong and send too many messages it could make your crush think you're weird or clingy and ruin your chances!

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Feeling Out the Situation

1
Ask one of your crush's friends what your crush thinks about you. Your crush's friends are some of the people who know them best. If you've established a good friendship with your crush and their friends, you can ask them if they think that your crush likes you and wants to go out with you.^{[5]
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- Try asking a friend of your crush, “Hey, so do you know if (Your Crush) likes anybody right now?” If their friend knows that your crush likes you, they may just tell you!
- Asking one of their friends could also save you some pain and embarrassment if your crush isn't interested at all or is interested in someone else.
- If you can, ask your crush's best friend. Tell them about your feelings and ask them if they know if your crush has any feelings for you.
2
Try to flirt a little with your crush and see if they flirt back. Establishing a good friendship is an important part of a relationship, but you need to have chemistry to have a romantic relationship. A little flirting is a great way to see if you and your crush have a real connection. Tease them a little bit, compliment their appearance, engage in some lighthearted joking.^{[6]
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- If your crush flirts back and initiates their own flirting, then asking them out is starting to look pretty good!
3
Send funny texts and memes and gauge how your crush responds. Texting or messaging your crush funny and flirtatious texts and memes demonstrate that you understand their interests and sense of humor. If your crush responds with texts or memes that show that they understand your humor and what you're into, it's a great sign that they may like you.^{[7]
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- For example, if your crush is super into dinosaurs, you could send them a funny dinosaur meme.
- You could send heart emojis or other cute graphics and see if they respond with similar emojis that would hint that they may like you.
- Be careful not to overwhelm your crush with too many messages, and don't demand an immediate response to your messages because that can come off as clingy.
4
Hint at asking out your crush to see how they react. Before you actually try to ask your crush out, you could playfully joke about dating them to see how they respond to the idea. Try saying something like, “We should just date then” or “Why aren't we together already?” If they seem really surprised or upset, or if they say something like, “But we're just good friends,” you may want to hold off on asking them out.^{[8]
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- It's okay if they're hesitant at first, maybe the time just isn't right for you to try.
- If your crush responds favorably, like if they agree that the idea sounds good, you should feel comfortable asking them out in the future.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Asking Them Out

1
Find a private place at school where you can ask your crush out. If you're going to tell your crush about the feelings you have for them, it will definitely be easier to do if you guys have some time alone away from both of your groups of friends. By their locker after school is a great place if most people have gone for the day, or maybe in the parking lot before they go home after school.^{[9]
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- During or after a school dance is also a good location to ask them. The dark lighting and loud music can help provide you with a little bit of privacy, even if other people are around.
- Don't ask them before a test or early in the day because they may be stressed out and you don't want to distract them and ruin your chances.
Tip: Don't choose a place so secluded that it's creepy, but private enough that you feel comfortable expressing your true feelings without being made fun of by someone who overhears.
2
Rehearse what you plan to say to settle your nerves. There's no way you can completely shake off your nerves before asking your crush out. After all, it's a big chance your taking! But you can help to focus your mind and calm your anxiety by preparing and rehearsing what you're going to say to your crush.^{[10]
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- Consider writing out what you plan to say so you can try to memorize it.
- You can also practice asking them out in the mirror so you can see what you look like.
3
Tell your crush that you have something important to say. You can start a conversation with some small talk to break the ice, but when it comes time to ask your crush out, you should tell them, “Hey, so, I really want to tell you something,” so you have their full attention. Tell them how you feel about them and that you want to be more than friends. Then, just ask them point blank, “Will you go out with me?”^{[11]
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- Ask with confidence and wait for their response. It may take your crush a moment to process what you've said to them. Be patient.
4
Tell your crush that it's okay if they say no. You don't want to jeopardize your friendship by putting too much pressure on them. You also don't want to make things weird if they don't feel the same way about you. If they don't want to go out with you, tell them, “It's okay, I just wanted you to know how I felt, but it's okay if you don't feel the same way. I hope we can still be friends.”^{[12]
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- It's okay to feel heartbroken and sad about your crush saying no. You can take some time to mope about it, but try to pull yourself out of the rut by doing activities you enjoy and spending time with friends.
5
Be okay with the possibility of your crush saying no. Although it may hurt your feelings, you need to prepare yourself for your crushing saying that they don't want to go out with you. Listen closely to what your crush says. Maybe it just isn't the right time, or maybe they're still getting over a recent relationship. Whatever the reason, if your crush says no, it isn't the end of the world.^{[13]
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- Maybe your crush isn't allowed to date yet, and you can continue your friendship until the time is right.
- Just because they don't want to go out with you doesn't mean you can't still be friends and enjoy spending time together.
6
Send a text or give your crush a note at school. If you're unable to ask your crush out in person, you can write them a well-thought and sweet note that expresses how you feel. Explain your feelings and tell them that you want to be more than friends. Then, ask them if they want to go out with you.^{[14]
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- Writing your thoughts gives you a chance to consider what you want to say and make sure you say it right.