There’s no worse feeling in the world than hurting someone you care about. If you said or did something to upset a girl in your life, you’ll want to apologize the right way so she’s more willing to forgive you. Apologizing over text can be tricky, but it’s not impossible if you go about it the right way!

Here are 10 tips to keep in mind whenever you’re apologizing to a girl over text.

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Tell her that you’re wrong and you’re sorry.

  1. Start out by admitting it. No need to beat around the bush. Come right out and tell her that you messed up. Tell her you’re really sorry and mean it.[2] She may forgive you right away for being up front about it, or it may take some time for her to come around. But the important thing is that you’re willing to admit when you’re wrong and apologize for it.[3]
    • Send her something like, “I know I hurt you and I’m really sorry.” Keep it short, direct, and to the point.
    • Even if you weren’t fully in the wrong, you may be able to fix things by taking the first step and apologizing.
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Take responsibility for your actions.

  1. Own up to your mistakes and avoid making excuses. Tell her that whatever you did to hurt her is your fault. Don’t try to shift the blame on anyone or anything else. She may be much more open to accepting your apology if you’re honest and willing to accept that what you did was wrong.[4]
    • If you did something like forget to text her back or call her when you said you would, you could try something like, “It’s totally my fault. I messed up.”
    • If you’re willing to own your mistakes, she may admit to her own. For instance, if she got angry and yelled at you for ignoring her calls while you were busy, you could say something like, “I should have told you I wouldn’t be able to check my phone. That’s my mistake.” She may then apologize for getting upset.
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Talk about why you were wrong.

  1. Show her you understand the seriousness of your actions. Mistakes are oftentimes more complex than simply one wrong word or act. Explore all of the reasons your behavior negatively affected her. Demonstrate how much you recognize you hurt her so she may be more likely to appreciate and forgive you.[6]
    • For instance, if you didn’t notice or mention her new haircut and it hurt her feelings, you could apologize and text something like, “I know you were trying something new and you wanted to see what I thought about it. It takes guts to take a chance like that and it’s really not okay that I didn’t ask you about it or tell you what I thought.”
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Don’t try to justify your mistakes.

Expert Q&A

  • Question
    How do you apologize for unintentionally hurting someone?
    Patti Novak Williams
    Patti Novak Williams
    Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
    Patti Novak Williams is a Professional Matchmaker in Las Vegas, Nevada. With over 20 years of experience, Patti specializes in working with clients one on one to help them find love. She has helped match hundreds of couples, engagements, and marriages. Patti was the star of the critically acclaimed A&E series “Confessions of a Matchmaker.” She has been featured in the New York Times, the New York Daily News, the New York Post, and The Wall Street Journal, and has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show, TODAY with Hoda and Kathy Lee, The Rachael Ray Show, CBS’ The Early Show, CNN, The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch, The Nate Berkus Show, and Fox’s The Morning Show With Mike & Juliet. Patti published a book in 2008 with Random House titled “Get Over Yourself!: How to Get Real, Get Serious, and Get Ready to Find True Love.”
    Patti Novak Williams
    Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    If you unintentionally offended her, based on her reactions, the most natural forgiving thing is a provide a genuine apology such as “I'm so sorry. I did not mean to insult you or hurt your feelings.” It's an individual choice based on what happened and how she decides to handle and respond to it.
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Warnings

  • Don’t push too hard if she’s not ready to talk to you or forgive you yet. It could drive her away for good.
    ⧼thumbs_response⧽
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References

  1. https://mennow.in/apologize-girl-through-text/
  2. Patti Novak Williams. Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.
  3. Christina Jay, NLP. Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach. Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.
  4. https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/minds-business/effective-apologies-include-six-elements.html
  5. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/divorce-grownups/200903/how-apologize-woman
  6. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/valley-girl-brain/201709/7-ways-truly-say-youre-sorry
  7. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200207/the-power-apology
  8. Patti Novak Williams. Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.
  9. Christina Jay, NLP. Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach. Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.
  1. Patti Novak Williams. Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.
  2. Christina Jay, NLP. Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach. Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.
  3. https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/apologize.html

About This Article

Courtney Quinlan
Co-authored by:
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
This article was co-authored by Courtney Quinlan. Courtney Quinlan is a Matchmaker and Dating Coach and the Owner of Midwest Matchmaking. With over 15 years of experience, she specializes in finding individuals a compatible partner, providing guidance throughout the dating process, and crafting events for singles in the Midwest. Courtney holds a BS in Broadcast Journalism from The University of Nebraska at Omaha. This article has been viewed 83,178 times.
14 votes - 71%
Co-authors: 5
Updated: March 31, 2022
Views: 83,178
Categories: Making Apologies
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