How to Apologize to a Girl You Accidentally Insulted

Last Updated: October 5, 2022 References Approved

Have you inadvertently offended your female friend? Everyone makes mistakes, but the important part of a mistake is realizing that you've hurt someone. Asking forgiveness can be tough, but it is a vital part of any relationship. If you are sincere, honest, and clear with your apology, however, you can expect to be back to normal in no time.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Making a Sincere Apology

1
Figure out why she was offended. Did your comment implicate someone she loved, like a family member or friend, accidentally? Did you bring up a story or event from her past that she would rather not talk about? Is there a simple misunderstanding between you two? The simplest way to figure out your mistake is to ask, but there are other methods as well.^{[1]
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- Talk to her friends -- do they know how you insulted her?
- Replay the event in your head -- did you say something off-hand that you didn't realize was offensive?
2
Apologize in person. Pull her aside and let her know that you never meant to offend her.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.} Outline briefly what you meant to say and avoid making excuses -- this is not the time to go on trial, it is the time to atone for your mistake.^{[3]
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- Get your apology in as soon as possible -- the longer you wait to say sorry the harder it will be to convince her that you mean it.
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3
Be sincere in your apology. Do not apologize just to "get her off your back," as she'll see through it instantly. Good ways to show your sincerity include:^{[4]
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- Make eye contact.
- Slightly bow your head.
- Talk in a slow, calm, and measured voice.
- Don't rush your apology to "get it over with."
4
List the hurtful effects of your actions when you apologize. This will show empathy and show that you are actually sorry. If you simply say that you're sorry, you'll give the impression that you're only sorry about getting caught.^{[5]
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Trustworthy Source
Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
Go to source}
5
Admit your wrongdoing. This simple show of humility is the most powerful thing you can do in an apology. You made a mistake, knowingly or not, and you need to own up to your mistake to move on. Why were you wrong? Do you understand why you were offensive? Let her know that you've learned from your mistake.^{[6]
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- "I'm so sorry I said that -- I never meant to hurt you and I won't say it again."
- "I made a mistake thinking that was okay, it won't happen again."
6
Listen to her response. The apology is her opportunity to tell you how you made her feel, and an opportunity for both of you to move forward. Listen attentively and take her thoughts on board. If you can, rephrase them back to her to show that you were listening. This is why you need to get a few minutes to apologize to her.^{[7]
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7
Ask for her forgiveness. While difficult, you need to come clean, say you're sorry, and hope that she forgives you. If your mistake was accidental, chances are good she will be laugh off the misunderstanding and move on.^{[8]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Medical School
Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public
Go to source}
- There is no more effective way to ask for forgiveness than a simple, "I'm sorry."
8
Move on. Once you've apologized, it's time to get your friendship back on track. If you've accidentally offended her, the best you can do is apologize, admit your wrongdoing, and ask for forgiveness. If she is unwilling to accept this, than give her some time to see that you are sincere. However, don't feel like you need to bend over backwards to make things right -- everyone makes mistakes, and she needs to be able to forgive you.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Courtney Quinlan
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 27 August 2021.}

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Avoiding Further Insults

1
Ask her if there is anything you can do to make it up to her. Is there something you can do to make her feel better? Is there someone else that you may need to apologize to, such as a friend or family member who was also nearby. Showing that you will do things to fix your mistake proves that you are truly sorry and want to prevent future insult.^{[10]
X
Trustworthy Source
Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
Go to source}
- Do not, however, feel like you "owe" her anything. Your actions should be done out of caring, and she should not take advantage of you with absurd or unreasonable demands.
2
Follow through on your apology with concrete actions. If you tell her during the apology that you are going to act differently in the future, put your money where your mouth is and actually do so.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Courtney Quinlan
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 27 August 2021.}
3
Act politely. While you should do this all of the time, go out of your way to show that you still respect her, despite your slip up. Treating her with respect and humility will help heal the wounds that were accidentally opened.
- You don't need to act like she is queen. Basic dignity and curtsey should suffice.
4
Understand why the insult was offensive. You need to go a step further than apologizing if you want to make a real difference in your friendship. Ask her to explain why your words/actions hurt, and make sure you take the time to listen.
5
Avoid getting defensive. You may feel entitled to an apology as well -- after all, you did not mean to be offensive -- but this is not the time or place. You need to understand where she is coming from if you hope to avoid further issues. Do no argue or try and convince her that "you weren't being insulting" or that she is "overreacting."
- The offender does not get to choose what is offensive. If she felt insulted, then you insulted her.
6
Remember what insulted her and refrain from repeating it. This may seem obvious, but oftentimes, after a sincere apology, you may think that you can repeat the insult "jokingly." This is not only rude, it is incredibly disrespectful. You need to honor her wishes and find new language to express yourself.^{[12]
X
Expert Source

Courtney Quinlan
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 27 August 2021.}

Expert Q&A

Question

If you accidentally offend someone, how do you say sorry?

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Patti Novak Williams is a Professional Matchmaker in Las Vegas, Nevada. With over 20 years of experience, Patti specializes in working with clients one on one to help them find love. She has helped match hundreds of couples, engagements, and marriages. Patti was the star of the critically acclaimed A&E series “Confessions of a Matchmaker.” She has been featured in the New York Times, the New York Daily News, the New York Post, and The Wall Street Journal, and has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show, TODAY with Hoda and Kathy Lee, The Rachael Ray Show, CBS’ The Early Show, CNN, The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch, The Nate Berkus Show, and Fox’s The Morning Show With Mike & Juliet. Patti published a book in 2008 with Random House titled “Get Over Yourself!: How to Get Real, Get Serious, and Get Ready to Find True Love.”

Patti Novak Williams

Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Answer

It really depends on the individual situation, but if you feel like you've offended someone, the most natural way to ask for forgiveness is just to say "I'm sorry." Then, in the future, try to take a little time to think before you speak to avoid having that happen again.
Question

I said something really bad and offended my best friend. I said something about her parents, and she does not want to see me now. What should I do?

Community Answer

Send her a handwritten letter, and make it count. Tell her how sorry you are about what you said, that you were way out of line and had no right to speak that way. Tell her that you understand why she's upset, but that you really hope she'll decide to give your friendship another chance. Then just give her some space and let her think it over.
Question

I called a girl flat in front of one of her friends and now they're all mad at me, how do I fix this?

Community Answer

Apologize. Tell her that you realize now that your comment was really rude and inappropriate and you'll never say anything like that again. Be patient, they'll get over it eventually.

Warnings

Do not go hanging off her and pestering her to forgive you right afterwards. Apologize once, then back off.

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Helpful 78 Not Helpful 9
Not all girls are the same. Some may never forgive a slight to their looks, others won't even care. How you apologize depends on the girl.

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