How to Act Like You Do Not Care About His Attention

Co-authored by Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: November 29, 2022 References

If you really like a guy but he isn’t giving you what you need, acting like you don’t care about him might send him running back into your arms. Acting like you don’t care can be tough, but it gets easier with practice. Read through some of these strategies to learn how you can make him think you don’t care about him (even if you secretly do).

1

Respond to texts with one-word answers.

He’ll feel snubbed and slightly offended. If you need to respond to him, use something like “okay” or “cool” to get your message across. You can also try waiting a few hours before responding to him so he doesn’t think you’re waiting eagerly by the phone.^{[1]
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- Also, try putting periods at the end of your messages, and don’t use emojis or LOLs. The more monotone the text looks, the better.
- Keep in mind that if you wait too long to respond, he might think you’re ghosting him. You can wait a while, but respond to him within a day if you want to keep talking.^{[2]
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  Expert Source
  
  Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
  Licensed Relationship Therapist
  Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.}
- Do not play hard to get all the time because many people do not like playing games.^{[3]
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  Expert Source
  
  Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
  Licensed Relationship Therapist
  Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.}

2

Make him come to you.

Don’t invite him over or ask to hang out. Wait until he hits you up first, then let him know you’ll have to check your schedule.^{[4]
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Research source} Tell him you’re pretty busy, but you could probably squeeze him in at some point.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.}
- If you see him in person, make eye contact and smile, but don’t go over to him. Wait until he approaches you first.
- If he sends you a text late at night, he’s probably looking for a booty call. In that case, it’s probably best not to respond until the morning.

3

Keep your conversations short.

Make him think you just don’t like talking to him. If he texts you, only reply to messages about making plans or going out sometime. If he tries to chat with you about anything else, don’t respond, or say that you’re busy and you have to go.^{[6]
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- Say something like, “Wish I could chat, but I’m super busy. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
- This could also work for in-person conversations, too. Keep them brief, and let him know that you have other places to be.

4

Don’t get intimate with him.

Getting physical shows that you like his attention. Don’t kiss him, make out with him, or have sex with him. The more you can keep him at arm’s length, the better.^{[7]
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- This will also help you control your emotions. Oftentimes, people confess how much they like someone during an intimate moment.

5

Try not to ask for his opinion.

Don’t ask for his help, either. If you’re having a problem or you need an outside opinion, ask a friend or a family member, not him. If you ask for his input, you’re showing him that you care about what he thinks, which is the opposite of what you want.^{[8]
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- Even things like, “Do you like my outfit?” shows that you care about his opinion. Just don’t ask!

6

Show him how many other guys want you.

Casually flaunt how many other dudes have hit on you lately. Or, answer a text message in front of him from another guy you’re talking to. The more he thinks you’re getting attention elsewhere, the better.^{[9]
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- To make this really subtle, try getting your friends to talk about you with him. Have them tell him how much attention you’ve been getting from other dudes lately.
Expert Answer

Q

Is it risky to play hard to get?

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.

EXPERT ADVICE

Answer from Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT:

Yes, it is risky because many people do not like playing games and do not understand mixed messages.

7

Go home early.

Make it a point to leave hangouts pretty early. Tell him you have to go do something else or that you’re simply just tired. He’ll probably wonder why he’s not fun enough to hang out with, and it will leave him feeling confused.^{[10]
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- Try to hang out with him for a couple of hours at most. Any longer than a few hours and he’s probably going to realize that you like hanging out with him.

8

Focus on your own life.

Hang out with friends and dive into your hobbies. Post pics about your fun adventures on social media where he can see them. Don’t take him into account at all, and don’t rearrange your life just so he fits in it better.^{[11]
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- Focusing on your own life is also a great way to eventually stop caring about him at all.

9

Practice self care.

Have a spa day or go out for a hike in nature. The more you can be kind to yourself, the better. This is especially important if you’re dealing with a guy who doesn’t care about you like you care about him. Instead of waiting for someone else to sweep you off your feet, do it for yourself!^{[12]
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- Self care could also look like doing yoga, practicing meditation, listening to good music, or reading a new book.

Expert Q&A

Question

What is the correct way to play hard to get?

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Licensed Relationship Therapist

Expert Answer

In the beginning, you can play a little hard to get and not be available immediately. But always follow up with an alternative option. Let the other person know when you can spend time with them or what you would be interested in doing.