How to Stand Up to Bullies

Last Updated: September 1, 2021 References Approved

You don't have to take it anymore. Bullies use intimidation and insults to belittle others who they perceive as unwilling or unable to defend themselves. If you're tired of listening to bullies talk, being pushed around and intimidated, it's time to take a stand. You can learn to confront a bully safely and smartly, find safety in numbers, and get involved to stop bullying for good. Stand up for yourself. See Step 1 for more information.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Confronting a Bully

1
Look them in the eye and tell them to stop. If a bully is getting in your face, put your hand out like a crossing-guard, creating a barrier between you and the bully. Look them in the eye and say, calmly but firmly, "I want you to stop right now."^{[1]
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Research source}
- If they continue encroaching on your territory or continue mocking you in some way, simply repeat your sentence. "Stop. I want you to stop right now. Stop." Don't say or do anything else but hold your ground and repeat yourself.^{[2]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  StopBullying.gov
  Website run by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services providing information related to identifying and preventing bullying
  Go to source}
- If they say something mean to you, just roll your eyes and say "Whatever," or "So what?" or "Was that supposed to be funny?" It'll show them you don't care what they think. Then, just walk away.^{[3]
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  Expert Source
  
  Hilya Tehrani, PsyD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 27 August 2021.}
2
Learn how bullies think. Bullies tend to pick on those who they identify as being unwilling or unable to stand up for themselves. Bullies choose easy targets to "test" by needling with words and actions. The quickest and best way to end bullying is to stand up for yourself and tell the bully firmly to stop and repeat the action until they comply.
- Negotiating, trying to befriend, or showing that it bothers you will give them more ammunition and make it worse. Don't whine, try not to cry, and stay firm. They'll get bored and lose interest when you stand up for yourself and don't give them anything to bully. There's nothing funny to say about "Stop." There's nothing to mock in someone who is confident.
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3
Stand tall and stare them down.^{[4]
X
Research source} Pay attention to the way you hold yourself physically in the presence of bullies. Even if they're bigger than you (which they often are) stand up straight and look them straight in the eye. Hold their gaze icily. Look through them. Look as if you know something they don't.
- Think of your favorite strong-willed characters from movies. Picture Vin Diesel, Arnold Schwarzenegger, or Clint Eastwood standing up to your bully as you stare them down: "Go ahead, punk. Make my day." Cast yourself as Meryl Streep in Devil Wears Prada Angelina Jolie in Wanted, or even Wednesday Adams from the Adams Family. Be unflappable.
4
Close your ears. Don't listen to the things bullies say or take them seriously. Bullies say things in order to get a rise out of you, not because they believe these things, not because they are true, and not because they're trying to help. They're trying to break you down as a way of holding themselves up, because bullies are insecure and bullies are weak at heart.
- Develop a mantra to recite if you're consistently bullied, and continually run it over in your mind while your bully is talking. A good mantra might be a set of lyrics that you like, or a prayer, or a quote that holds you up. If they get in your face, tell them to stop and hold your icy stare. Stay calm. Repeat your mantra.
5
Defend yourself with smarts.^{[5]
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Research source} Don't allow yourself to get sucked into an insult-exchange with a bully. You'll almost always lose any kind of verbal head-to-head, even if you're wittier, funnier, and smarter (which you are). Bullies rig the game. Don't try to come up with better come-backs and cutting insults, which can do more to make it worse.
- Don't play the bullying game. Don't give them more ammunition. Tell them to stop, stand tall, and give them a target they'll be uninterested in.
- Alternatively, play dumb. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, the professional wrestler, used to interrupt other wrestlers who tried to talk trash by shouting, "What?" and acting confused when they talked. It took the wind right out of their sails.
6
Ignore bullies online. The best thing you can do to stand up to faceless online bullies is to ignore them. If someone is bullying you online, whether it be through email, text, Facebook, or other social networking, you need to disengage from the bully as much as possible.^{[6]
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Research source} Avoid getting sucked into an exchange of insults or arguments on any web platform, especially one in "public." As tempting as it may be, avoid the temptation to sling mud back.
- If necessary, change your privacy settings, "unfriend" the bullying party, or start new accounts, if necessary. Just because it's not in person doesn't make it less dangerous.
7
Learn to throw a punch. It's not advisable to let bullies draw you into a fight, but you'll be able to carry yourself with more confidence and character if you're confident that you'll be able to defend yourself if it comes to that. Learn to throw a proper punch and hold your own.
- Stand properly.^{[7]
  X
  Research source} Put one foot forward and balance your weight with your legs shoulder width apart. Maintain a solid center of gravity and keep moving, bouncing on your toes. They can't hit you solidly if you keep moving.
- Make a fist.^{[8]
  X
  Research source} Wrap your thumb around the bottom of your fingers, not inside your fist and not on the side of your fingers, as if you were holding a bug you didn't want to escape. Make a loose fist.
- Aim for the soft spots. If you've got to throw a punch, aim for a place that'll do the most damage. Smashing your fist into someone's jaw will hurt you more than them. Aim for the nose.^{[9]
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  Research source}
- Keep your elbows tucked in. Throw straight punches and jabs, not wild uncontrolled hay makers. More power comes from vertical straight-ahead punches, so keep your elbows in.
- Play defense. Hold your non-writing hand near your chin to guard your face and hold your writing hand up nearer your cheek. When playing defense, leave your fists relatively loose to swat away punches.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Reporting Bullies

1
Gather evidence.^{[10]
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Research source} Any time you're bullied, write it down as specifically as possible. Record who was involved, where, and at what time. If you're physically injured, take pictures of any cuts, scrapes, or bruises you receive. If your clothes get torn, save them. If anyone saw the bullying take place, talk to them and get them to come forward with you and report the behavior.
- Save any evidence of cyberbullying you receive by making a copy, taking a screen shot, or printing out hard copies for your records. Use these as evidence.
2
Report bullying behavior to an authority. As soon as you feel you've been bullied, report the behavior, with your good evidence and your witnesses, to the appropriate authority in charge of the situation. Be sure to use the word "bully," say that you feel unfairly singled out and that you're intimidated and frustrated by this person's behavior.
3
Tell your parents. Whether you've encountered a bully at school or elsewhere, it's always best to start by telling your parents.Your parents are always there for you so tell them the details. It's still on you to stand up for your own self, but having the back-up of your parents is important.
4
Tell your teacher, principal, or school counselor.^{[11]
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Trustworthy Source
StopBullying.gov
Website run by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services providing information related to identifying and preventing bullying
Go to source} Wait and present your case calmly to the correct authority. If you're getting bullied at lunch, telling the exhausted and overworked lunch lady probably won't get much done. If the student is in your class, tell your teacher. If the student that's bullying you is in another grade, consider making any appointment with the guidance counselor or an assistant principal.
5
Tell law enforcement if the behavior continues.^{[12]
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Trustworthy Source
StopBullying.gov
Website run by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services providing information related to identifying and preventing bullying
Go to source} If you're not in school, or if the behavior continues and won't stop, contact the police. Provide your evidence and follow their instructions.
6
Tell the truth. Don't leave anything out to make yourself look better. It's better to be honest and try to get action to occur, rather than trying to make yourself look good. If you said something mean back to the bully, own up to it. If you threw the first punch, say so. Your word will mean more in this situation.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Standing up for Others

1
Be kind to anyone being bullied. Bullies select targets who they perceive as being weak. People with fewer friends, or people who are physically smaller are more readily targeted by bullies. Because bullies lack confidence, they will only select targets they can intimidate and dominate. By befriending those who are likely to be bullied, you'll take away the ammunition and find safety in numbers.^{[13]
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Research source}
- It can be tempting and misguided to want to pile on a kid getting bullied to get the attention away from yourself. "Hey, if that kid's getting it, it means I'm not getting it!" Never do this. Instead, stick up for the bullied and everyone will end up being better off.
2
Look for evidence of bullying. As you roam the halls of your school and neighborhood, keep an eye out for the signs of bullying. Any time you see a bigger kid picking on a smaller kid, or any time you see a classmate who seems beat down and nervous, start paying attention and learn to fight bullying.
3
Buddy up.^{[14]
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Research source} Travel the halls with friends, and walk home with other kids in your neighborhood to stay safe in numbers. Bullies will be less likely to pick on a group of kids.
- If you are confronted by a bully, stay solid in a pack. Stick with the plan. Tell them to stop and stare them down. Tell your friends to do the same. Stay confident.
- If a bully starts picking on a friend in your group, never laugh or join in the bullying. Don't try to deflect the bullying elsewhere, or you're engaging in bully-type behavior yourself.
4
Show respect to earn respect. Spread goodwill and be friendly to more people as a way of earning respect widely.^{[15]
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Research source} If you're known as a person of character and confidence, someone who is unshaken by confrontation, you won't be bullied. Be kind to everyone, the popular and the unpopular, even if you're not best friends. Don't take cheap opportunities to exploit or tease other people for your personal gain.
5
Freeze out the bullies. When you've got a network of people built up around you, use that network to ignore people who would bully and would use bullying tactics to intimidate others. Freeze them out.
- If a bully confronts you about not talking to them or including them in activities, be up front about what you're doing: "We don't like the way you act. If you stop insulting everyone and bullying everyone, you'll be welcome.
6
Get involved. Stand Up to Bullying^{[16]
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Research source} is an organization that commonly holds rallies and events in support of bullying victims. They seek to educate teachers, students, and other communities about the effect of bullying and end bullying for good.
- Reach out to an organization like SUTB Stand Up To Bullies or seek out other local anti-bullying organizations and share your experiences. Seek help. See if you can help. Take the next step to fight bullying.