Am I Demisexual?

Take this quiz to find out!

Attraction—it sure can be a beast! You aren't totally closed off to the idea of getting intimate with a future partner, but maybe you notice that you prefer to develop an emotional connection before you experience the sparks flying. Sound familiar?

Demisexual individuals tend to experience sexual attraction in a more complex way than others; when they do, it happens with people they have developed a strong emotional bond with. Not sure if this label applies to you? Hit “Start Quiz” to take a deeper dive into your relationship preferences and attraction patterns (and learn a little more about yourself in the process!).

Demisexual Quiz.png

Questions Overview

1. You’ve had a great night, and your date is inviting you back to their place. Do you think you’ll take things to the next level?
  1. No way! I don’t know them well enough.
  2. I’m not super comfy with that, but I’ll see how the night goes.
  3. Maybe! I’m not opposed to the idea.
  4. If the mood is right, I’m totally open to it.
2. Can you picture yourself dating someone you aren’t already close friends with?
  1. Not even a little bit.
  2. Not really, but never say never!
  3. Possibly!
  4. This is the only way I can imagine dating someone.
3. With 1 being almost never and 10 being frequently, how often do you feel sexually attracted to other people?
  1. 1-3. Hardly ever (if at all).
  2. 3-5. Not super frequently.
  3. 5-8. Pretty frequently!
  4. 8-10. Very often.
4. Is having a strong emotional connection a requirement for a relationship, or just an added bonus?
  1. It’s absolutely a requirement.
  2. It’s really important to me, but it’s not necessarily a requirement.
  3. Having a strong connection is great, but it’s more of a bonus for me.
  4. It’s definitely an added bonus.
5. Do you tend to fall head over heels for people often?
  1. Absolutely not. That’s never happened to me and probably never will.
  2. Every once in a while, if the person is super special.
  3. Sometimes, I guess. I haven’t really thought about it that much.
  4. All of the time! It’s like my heart can’t make up its mind.
6. Are you willing to wait a while before having sex with your partner?
  1. 100%. In fact, I probably wouldn’t be ready to have sex right away.
  2. I think so, yeah. Waiting isn’t a big deal for me.
  3. Maybe, but I would prefer not to wait a long time.
  4. I’m not sure. Sex is a pretty big priority for me.
7. Does a person’s looks factor into how sexually attractive they are?
  1. Not at all.
  2. Not really, but maybe a tiny bit.
  3. A little bit, yeah.
  4. Absolutely!
8. Would you rather date a friend or an acquaintance?
  1. Definitely a friend!
  2. I’d prefer a friend, but I’d be open to other possibilities.
  3. I’m open to either option.
  4. I’d rather date an acquaintance.
9. You found a cool person on Tinder, but they’re only looking for something physical. What’s your response?
  1. I’ll pass—I’m not ready to get intimate right away.
  2. I’ll sleep on it. I probably won’t swipe right, but it’s worth thinking about.
  3. I’ll swipe right.
  4. I’ll swipe right and shoot them a message. Why not?
10. What’s more important to you: emotional or physical intimacy?
  1. Emotional intimacy all the way.
  2. Mostly emotional intimacy, but I don’t mind physical intimacy.
  3. They’re both equally important to me. Don’t make me choose!
  4. Physical intimacy is most important in my book.
11. Have you ever had a celebrity crush?
  1. Huh? I’ve never had one of those.
  2. I might have had 1 or 2, but that’s about it.
  3. I’ve had a few.
  4. When don’t I have a celebrity crush?
12. Pick a random love story:
  1. Childhood best friends who slowly fall in love.
  2. High school lab partners who go to prom together.
  3. Friendly acquaintances who bump into each other at the bookstore.
  4. Perfect strangers who cross paths at a bar.

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Demisexuality: Your Questions Answered

In this day and age, demisexual is one of many labels you can use to better understand and categorize your preferences and identity. What exactly does this term mean, though, and how do you know if it’s the right label for you? We’ve answered all of your FAQs below:

What is demisexuality? Demisexuality is a sexual orientation where a person primarily experiences sexual attraction with someone they’ve developed a close emotional bond with. It falls on the asexual (or “ace”) spectrum, or a larger category that encompasses people who don’t experience sexual attraction at all or only in specific circumstances. For all intents and purposes, demisexuals experience the same lack of sexual attraction that asexual individuals do—they just have the ability to experience it on certain occasions.

What does “emotional bond” actually mean? An emotional bond is a fancy term for a deep and profound emotional connection. There isn’t a right or wrong way to build this bond—it really depends on the individual. Some people might only develop feelings after years of talking frequently and hanging out, while other people might experience sexual attraction after a short but profound experience (like camping together in the wilderness for a week).

Don’t most people wait to have sex until they’ve developed an emotional bond? Yes, but the difference is that many non-demisexual individuals experience sexual attraction from the start—they just choose not to act on it until later. Demisexual people, on the other hand, may not feel sexual attraction right off the bat; instead, they need to develop an emotional connection with the person first. Demisexual individuals might also develop a close emotional and intimate bond with someone but still not feel sexually attracted to them.

Are demisexual individuals straight or queer? Demisexual people can be straight or queer—it all depends on the individual. Demisexuality just means that you tend to need an emotional bond to experience sexual attraction. The gender identity of that person is completely irrelevant to the label. You can be heterosexual and demisexual, bisexual and demisexual, or any LGBTQ+ label that fits your personal preferences.

What’s the difference between demisexual and demiromantic? Demisexuality is a sexual orientation, while demiromanticism is a romantic orientation. Demisexuality relates to a person’s ability to experience sexual attraction (the desire to have sex) only after developing an emotional bond with someone, while demiromanticism relates to a person’s ability to only experience romantic attraction (the desire to start dating) after developing an emotional bond with someone. You can be both demisexual and demiromantic, just one or the other, or neither. It all depends on the person!

How do I know if the demisexual label is right for me? Try out the label and see how it feels. Find community, talk to friends, seek out resources. Above all else, LGBTQ+ labels like demisexual are meant to provide you with clarity, peace of mind, and security in your identity. If you find that the label is a good match for you and your personal preferences, that’s great! If not, that’s totally fine, too. There’s nothing wrong with trying out different labels and seeing what sticks.

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