How to React when a Cancer Man Pulls Away

Co-authored by Stina Garbis and Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA

Last Updated: May 5, 2022 References

A Cancer man captured your heart, but now he seems distant. What should you do? How can you fix your relationship? We're here to help, and we have all the answers you need. We’ll tell you all the reasons why a Cancer man pulls away in a relationship. Then, we’ll help you figure out what to do about it.

Section 1 of 2:

Why does a Cancer man pull away?

1
He needs some time alone. Since they’re really emotional, Cancers sometimes need time to work through their feelings. Once he feels better, he’ll come back to you completely refreshed. It’s normal to feel nervous when your man needs time away from you, but it could actually help your relationship be stronger. To find out if this is the problem, ask him if he just wants some time to himself.
- Being alone can actually give him time to realize your relationship is important to him.
- Cancers are the sign most associated with home. He wants to feel cozy and comforted by familiar surroundings, and sometimes this makes him check out from the world around him for a while.
2
He wants more affection. Cancers highly value closeness and touching in a relationship. You probably give him lots of affection, but if he wants more, he’s temporarily pulling away because he’s feeling unfulfilled. To figure out if this is the problem, think back to the past week or two to see if there’s been a sudden dip in physical intimacy.
- Maybe you just haven’t had time to go out on a date recently, or perhaps you’ve just had less time to hold hands and cuddle.
Advertisement
3
He feels like you aren’t communicating well. Communication is super important to Cancers, and they pull away if they feel like you aren’t connecting. He may think you aren’t opening up about your emotions, or he could feel ignored. Ask yourself if you’re being open and honest with him about how you feel. If not, this could be the issue.
4
He’s feeling hurt or angry. Since he’s so sensitive, he’s easily hurt and takes things personally. A Cancer man is often more comfortable processing his feelings in private. When he’s upset, he'll usually storm away to think things over.^{[1]
X
Research source} Review the past few days to see if anything could have hurt or angered him.
- Keep in mind that even something innocent could upset him, since he feels so deeply. You may not have done anything wrong.
5
He’s feeling defensive. As one of their weaknesses, Cancers can get hyper-sensitive and take things personally. When this happens, he may pull away as a defense mechanism to feeling attacked.^{[2]
X
Research source} Chances are, he’ll come back around soon. Look for these other signs that he might be defensive:^{[3]
X
Research source}
- He verbally attacked you.
- He insists you’re wrong.
- He bent the truth to win an argument.
- He tried to convince you that you misunderstood him.
6
He’s not sure how he feels about you. Cancers like to take their time when falling in love. He wants to make sure he’s absolutely head-over-heels for you before he gets too close to you.^{[4]
X
Research source} Consider how far along you are in your relationship to figure out if this may be your problem.
- This could be the case if you’re reaching a milestone moment, like the 3rd date, 1-month mark, or 6-month mark. He may be wondering what comes next.
- Once a Cancer man commits to you, he’ll be super loyal and devoted to you. He’s definitely worth the wait!
7
He’s worried you aren’t ready to commit. As an emotional person, a Cancer man is going to protect his heart. He won’t let you crack his protective shell until he knows your intentions. Have you talked about your future yet? If not, this could be your issue. Ask him if he wants to talk about where your relationship is going. Say:
- “I’m really excited to see where this relationship goes. When you’re ready, I’m open to discussing our future.”
- “We’ve been dating for a while now, and I really enjoy spending time with you. Do you think we should start talking about our future?”
8
He’s worried you don’t get along with his family or friends. Cancers are loyal to a fault, so they prioritize the people they love. Your man wants a partner who cares about his friends and family as much as he does. If he thinks you’re at odds with them, he might pull away to mull things over.^{[5]
X
Research source} Review all of the interactions you’ve had with his friends to see if this could be the problem.
- He’s loyal to you, too, so don’t worry if you occasionally have conflicts with other people in his life. He just wants to make sure you all care about each other.
9
He’s keeping a secret. Since Cancers are ruled by the moon, they’re very secretive and mysterious. When they’re hiding something, they naturally pull away so you won’t catch on.^{[6]
X
Research source} If you suspect he’s hiding something, trust your gut and ask him about it.
- You could say, “Lately, I’ve noticed some distance between us, and it seems like there’s something you’re not telling me. Is something going on?”
10
He’s playing you. Sometimes Cancer guys test you to see if you’ll stick around, so he might distance himself to see if you’ll work harder to keep him. When a Cancer man is playing you, he won’t do the things he normally does in a relationship, like nurture you. Look for these signs he might be playing you:^{[7]
X
Research source}
- He rushes the beginning of a relationship, then pulls away.
- He ignores you for weeks at a time.
- He stands you up for dates.
- He won’t introduce you to his friends and family.
- He only cares about what he wants.
- He never talks about his feelings or the future.
11
He’s losing interest in the relationship. Because Cancers are passive and non-confrontational, he’ll try to avoid breaking up with you. Instead, he might distance himself from you so you get frustrated and dump him.^{[8]
X
Research source} Even though it’s hard, talk to him to find out what’s really going on.
- Since Cancers are ruled by the moon, they’re very intuitive. That means he picks up on your emotions and may assume that you’re doing the same. Because of this, he might think you already know why he’s pulling away.

Section 2 of 2:

How can I react when a Cancer man pulls away?

1
Stay positive because it’s normal for people to need their independence. It’s scary when your partner suddenly seems distant, but Cancers are known for their tendency to pull away because they’re moody. Try not to panic because every relationship will experience moments like this. If you’re feeling worried, distract yourself by doing something fun with a friend, engaging in self care, or doing a hobby.
- There are so many reasons why he needs space, and it’s possible nothing is wrong.
2
Apologize if you hurt his feelings. A heartfelt apology may be all you need to calm his tidal wave of emotions. Tell him you regret what you did and won’t do it again in the future. Hopefully, your relationship will be back to normal in no time. Say something like:
- “I’m really sorry for snapping at you. I’ll be more careful with my words in the future.”
- “I’m so sorry I forgot to respond to your text. It won’t happen again.”
- “I feel so terrible about missing your work party. I’ll make sure to mark my calendar next time.”
3
Ask him what he needs from you to help you figure out the issue. As a Cancer, he’s a nurturer, but he has needs, too. The only way to find out what’s truly going on is to talk to him. Call or text him and ask how he’s feeling so you can hopefully repair your relationship. You could say something like:
- “I’ve noticed you’ve been distant lately. What can I do to help us feel close again?”
- “Lately, I’ve got the feeling you need something more from our relationship. Can we talk about this?”
- “You’re so important to me. Is there something you need from me that I haven’t been giving you?”
4
Give him space if he needs it. It’s totally normal for Cancers to need space. At the same time, you might feel like he’s pulling away from you forever. You probably have no reason to worry. A Cancer man will usually be ready to cozy up after a few days of space. Ask him how long he needs, and don’t contact him until that time expires or he reaches out to you.
- Try to think of this as space for you, too. Spend this time doing things you enjoy, like hanging out with friends or attending a fun event.
5
Ask him to help you with something as a way to reconnect. Since they’re caregivers, Cancers love helping someone they care about. He won’t be able to resist coming to your rescue. Let him be your hero. You could ask for help with:
- Fixing an item
- Finding something
- Building furniture
- Cooking
- Technology
6
Build anticipation for intimacy over text. A Cancer man wants to feel comforted, nurtured, and appreciated. He wants you to feel like home, and he’ll get that feeling from you through physical touch. Fortunately, you don’t have to see him in-person to give him what he needs. When you’re not with him, text him a sweet message about how much you can’t wait to hug and kiss him when you see each other. Say something like:
- “I’m just thinking about wrapping my arms around you and kissing you softly on the lips.”
- “I love cuddling with you on the sofa. I can’t wait until I can hold you close again.”
- “I have a hug and a kiss for you when I see you next.”
7
Be more affectionate with him if he’s feeling neglected. Cancers need a lot of affection to feel loved and appreciated.^{[9]
X
Research source} Hold his hand when you’re together, give him hugs, and always kiss him “hello” and “goodbye.” When you’re watching TV, cuddle up on the couch or lean into him. The extra touches will help you grow closer to each other.^{[10]
X
Research source}
- You might even offer to give him a sensual massage. Since he’s really nurturing, he’ll probably be happy to reciprocate!
8
Work on your communication. Your Cancer man wants you to be an open book. He wants to know everything about you, and he wants you to learn everything about him. He expects long talks about your lives and your dreams. You can improve your communication by being honest with each other and by actively listening to what each other have to say.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- Ask him to schedule time to sit and talk to each other. Say, “I’ve really missed our long talks. We should go out for dinner this Friday night so we can talk,” or “We haven’t had a long talk in a while. Maybe I could call you on Thursday?”
9
Give him reassurance if he feels defensive. Since he’s so sensitive, your Cancer man is going to get defensive sometimes. During those moments, he just needs a little reassurance from you to feel better again. Tell him that you’re always going to be there for him. Say something like:
- “I’m always on your side.”
- “You’re so important to me, and I’m here if you need to talk.”
- “I’m here to support you.”
10
Talk to him about your future if he’s worried about commitment. Be vulnerable and open up about your feelings for him. Tell him you really care about him and you want to see where this relationship goes. Hopefully, you’ll put his mind at ease and he stops pulling away.
- If he’s hesitant to commit, make it clear you won’t rush him. Say, “I’m really enjoying our time together and hope we can keep getting to know each other. I like that we’re taking our time because I don’t want to rush.”
- If he wants a deeper commitment, you could say, “I really care about you and see a future for us. I think we have something special.”