How to Help Your Boss See How a Coworker Is Undermining Others

Co-authored by William Gardner, PsyD

Last Updated: December 26, 2022 References

A coworker in the workplace that actively undermines you and your other coworkers is a serious issue that needs to be dealt with correctly. Determine if your coworker is actively sabotaging you and your coworkers by taking note of their behaviors and actions. Once you have determined that you have real case to present to your boss, gather the necessary resources in order to present a legitimate case. After gathering the necessary resources, schedule an appointment with your boss to discuss the situation and to decide what the next steps will be to address the issue.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Determining Whether Your Coworker is Being Undermining

1
Determine if the coworker is hypercompetitive. Sometimes it is hard to tell the difference between someone who is hypercompetitive and someone who is sabotaging others at work. The two are not mutually exclusive.
- Someone who is hypercompetitive tries to beat out everyone, however someone who is actively undermining others wants to see coworkers fail. They usually do not care about the outcome of the project. Rather, they care more about how they will look in the end, no matter the outcome.^{[1]
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- Watch for a tendency to steal credit for your work or to blame you for their shortcomings. These are also signs of a coworker who is trying to undermine you.
2
Examine the coworker’s activities. Does the questionable coworker gossip a lot, and spread hateful rumors about other coworkers? Are they quick to criticize, but never offer any solutions? Have you or your other coworkers been bullied by the coworker? For example, a coworker is a bully if they make fun of other people, blame others for problems, and tattle-tell frequently.^{[2]
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- If you answered yes to these questions, then chances are you are dealing with an undermining coworker.
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3
Look at their attitude. How your coworker relates to others shows a lot about their motivations. Are they cooperative or demanding? Do they champion successes by everyone or do they only focus on their achievements? If someone is struggling, are they likely to offer support or criticism? These questions can help you determine if the person is self-serving.
4
See if the coworker takes credit for your work. Has the questionable coworker taken credit for your or other’s work and/or ideas? If you and your coworkers worked as a team to complete a big project and the questionable coworker took most of the credit for its completion, without contributing much, then they are taking unnecessary credit for your work.
- Save all emails where you have contributed original ideas and work.^{[3]
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Determine if the coworker oversteps their rank. Often times, undermining coworkers will overstep their boundaries. They will act as if they are superior to your and your coworkers, even if you are all equals. Or, perhaps they tell your coworkers to report to them instead of you.^{[4]
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- Also, if the coworker is trying to take away your team members, or misguide them, be suspicious about this coworker’s intentions.
6
See if the coworker keeps you in the dark. Another tell-tale sign that a coworker is undermining you or others is if they purposely forget to invite you to a big meeting, don’t include you in important e-mails, or “forget” to pass along important messages from your boss. This coworker might be actively trying to leave you out, in order to make you look incompetent, distracted, or like you don’t care about your job duties.
- This is especially an issue if there is an upcoming promotion or an empty spot above you two. Think about possible motivations that your coworker could have to keep things from you.
- If you think your coworker is hiding something, make sure that you are getting the information from others so that you can properly do your job.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Gathering Your Resources

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See how other coworkers feel. Before confronting your boss about the issue, talk with other coworkers. Try to see if they are running into the same kind of issues with the questionable coworker. This will help you determine if the undermining is directed at you, or if it is a general issue among other coworkers. However, it is highly likely that your coworkers are experiencing similar issues.
- Ask your coworker, “Does James forget to include you in important emails?” Or, “James told me something really negative about you the other day, does he say negative things about me, as well?”
2
Document the problem. When confronted with the problem of an undermining coworker, you can help your situation by keeping a log of the issue. For example, write down important conversations and events that illustrate your argument. Include the time, date, and names of others who were present.
- For example, try to write down verbatim what the questionable coworker said and did or did not do. If your coworkers were present during an event or conversation, write a summary of what happened and have them sign and date the document as proof of what actually occurred.^{[5]
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3
Keep the situation public. Try to keep the problem transparent by ccing your boss on all email communication between you and that coworker. For example, if the coworker did not provide you with important information for you to complete a project, ask for the information by email and cc your boss.^{[6]
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- If the coworker keeps “forgetting” to inform you about important meetings, send an email to all the people in the meeting. Include the information and ideas you would have provided at the meeting, and ask them to invite you in the future. Again cc your boss in the email.
- Form a professional relationship with others in the office who have access to the information you need so that you have other ways of finding out what you need to know.
4
Confront the coworker. When you confront your boss, they will most likely ask what you have done to resolve the issue. Therefore, try to confront the coworker beforehand about the issue.^{[7]
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Research source} Try to resolve the issue with the coworker first, but make sure that you don't have a confrontational attitude. Instead, be direct and respectful.
- You can say, for example, “Hi, James. I just wanted to know why you didn’t tell me about the meeting this morning.”
- See how they respond. If they avoid the issue by saying they “forgot”, but it has been a repeated problem, then you can tell your boss you tried to resolve the issue. Document this, as well.
5
Strengthen your relationship with your boss. Before confronting your boss, try strengthening your relationship with your boss by scheduling regular meetings with them to discuss your performance. This will enable you to get closer to your boss, and they will see that you genuinely care about your job, and want the best for the company.
- How regularly you meet with your boss depends on your boss’ schedule, but try to meet with your boss at least twice a month.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Talking with Your Boss

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Pick a convenient time to talk. When confronting your boss with the issue, pick a convenient time to talk. Don’t address them when they are in between meetings or important phone calls.^{[8]
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- Email your boss and ask them when it is convenient for them to talk. Be positive in your email and don’t go into too much detail.
2
Be calm and concise. When meeting with your boss, have your documents and what you will say prepared beforehand. Keep things logical and in order, focusing on the person's negative behaviors and not on them as a person. This will prevent you from unleashing a long and emotional rant about your coworker, which can reduce your credibility.^{[9]
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- Write a small statement of five to seven sentences that succinctly states the problem, what you have done to address the problem, and how the problem has impacted your and other coworker’s work.
- Remember to stick to the facts when discussing the issue. Make copies of your documents and keep the originals. Give the copied documents to your boss to have on file. Keep your own file, as well.
3
Have allies who support you. If you want to add credibility, bring another coworker to the meeting. An ally will show your boss that this is not just a personal issue between you two, and that others are being affected by your coworker's behavior. Your argument will be much more persuasive if another coworker is supporting what you have seen, heard, and said.^{[10]
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- If you decide to bring a coworker, let the boss know beforehand that the coworker will be coming with you to the meeting.
4
Decide the next steps. Once you have discussed the issue with your boss, discuss what to do next. Ask for you boss’ advice on how to move forward with handling the issue. Will your boss talk with the other coworker about the issue, or will you try to handle it yourself and report the outcome to your boss later? Or, will job responsibilities, evaluations, or reporting relationships be changed? Make sure you and your boss come to an agreement about what will happen next.^{[11]
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- If your boss suggests a solution you have already tried, like confronting the coworker, respectfully remind your boss that you tried this, and that the outcome was not very successful.
5
Speak in a professional tone. If you don't like the way your boss has responded to the issue, or if you don't like the solution your boss has provided, do not be rude. At the end of the day, your boss is the final authority on the decision. By responding irrationally, you might upset your boss and lose your credibility.^{[12]
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- Remember to keep your voice at an even pitch. Do not talk too loudly, too fast, or too slow. The best thing you can do is listen to your boss, and respond in respectful manner, for example, "Yes," "No," "Thank you," and "Please."
- If you are angry, try not to clench your jaw, and be aware of your facial expressions. Try to maintain either neutral, or positive facial expressions.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you professionally complain about a coworker?

William Gardner, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist
William Gardner, Psy.D. is a Clinical Psychologist in private practice located in San Francisco, CA’s financial district. With over 10 years of clinical experience, Dr. Gardner provides individually tailored psychotherapy for adults using cognitive behavioral techniques, to reduce symptoms and improve overall functioning. Dr. Gardner earned his PsyD from Stanford University in 2009, specializing in evidence-based practices. He then completed a post-doc fellowship at Kaiser Permanente.

William Gardner, PsyD

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Well, there's always HR. If you want to file a complaint formally, talk to your human resource department. Beyond that, if someone is just being outwardly rude, there's nothing unprofessional about saying, "Hey, why are you acting like this." It's not like you can't address a problem directly just because you're at a workplace.
Question

Should I go directly to HR if my coworker is being kind of mean to me?

William Gardner, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist
William Gardner, Psy.D. is a Clinical Psychologist in private practice located in San Francisco, CA’s financial district. With over 10 years of clinical experience, Dr. Gardner provides individually tailored psychotherapy for adults using cognitive behavioral techniques, to reduce symptoms and improve overall functioning. Dr. Gardner earned his PsyD from Stanford University in 2009, specializing in evidence-based practices. He then completed a post-doc fellowship at Kaiser Permanente.

William Gardner, PsyD

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

If we're just talking about some low-grade passive aggression or something, no. Just address the problem head on by asking your coworker to cut it out. It's possible that they don't even realize they're doing anything wrong, so give them a chance to fix the behavior before you elevate things.