How to Heal a Broken Heart

Co-authored by Amy Chan and Amber Crain

Last Updated: February 11, 2023 Approved

Coping with the loss of a relationship may be one of the hardest things you ever have to do. Whether you were with the person for three months or thirty years, breakups can leave you feeling profoundly hurt, confused, and rejected. You won't feel this way forever, though! You can heal your broken heart by working to move past the pain, taking good care of yourself, and developing a fulfilling social life.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Taking Care of Yourself

1
Get moving with a little exercise. Go to the gym, go for a jog in the park, or just get outside for a brisk walk. Physical activity increases the amount of serotonin in the brain, which acts like a natural antidepressant and improves your mood. You'll also have more energy and feel better about yourself in general.^{[1]
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- Take some group fitness classes or hit the gym with a buddy.
- It doesn't matter what exercise you choose, just get your heart pumping. Within just 5 minutes of moderate exercise, you may start feeling your mood lift.^{[2]
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2
Find things to laugh about. Laughter really is one of life's best medicines! Take some time to engage in activities that make you laugh. Watch films that you find hilarious, revisit some funny memes you’ve seen on social media, call up one of your humorous friends for a chat, or go see a stand-up comedian perform at a local club.
- Try to avoid funny things that will remind you of your ex at first. Skip the film if it was one of your faves as a couple, for example.
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3
Do things you’ve never done before. Whether you choose to go hiking, surfing, or dancing, take some time for yourself to do new and exciting things. Enjoy your new freedom and independence! Take this time to do all of the fun things that your partner never wanted or enjoyed doing with you.
- For instance, perhaps your partner never wanted to try Indian food. This is a perfect time for you to do so.
- Consider linking up with other people who also want to try new things. For example, you could join a special interest group on Meetup.com.
4
Change your look. Reinvigorate your look by getting a haircut, color, or style change. Clean out your wardrobe and give away anything you no longer wear. Buy yourself a few new and fun outfits. A new look can give your self-esteem a much deserved boost!
- Consider getting a facial, massage, pedicure, or manicure. Treat yourself! Plus, massages can help to release the tension in your body.
- Call up a few friends and hold a spa day at one of your homes.
5
Start a journal to record how you feel. Writing things down can be a powerful release. Write about whatever you want to write about, whether that's the breakup or any other issue you're going through. Give yourself space to vent. You'll feel a lot better after you do.
6
Make a list of your strengths. Breakups can leave you feeling really down about yourself. It's common to blame yourself after a breakup, and this may damage your self-esteem. Take some time to think about all of the good qualities that you possess. Write them down and remind yourself of them daily.
- Strengths can include humor, intellect, beauty, persistence, diligence, or compassion.
- You might consider writing them on sticky notes and putting them in certain places in your room or house. Seeing them throughout the day can boost your self-esteem.
7
Try to manage your other responsibilities the best you can. It's okay to take some time to grieve during this sad time, but don't forget about your other responsibilities. Continue to work hard at your career or in school. Stay connected and in touch with family and friends so that you don’t lose those crucial support systems. Get enough sleep, eat a healthy diet and avoid negative coping mechanisms like excessive drinking.
- For example, keep up with your bills and stay on top of cleaning tasks. Make yourself a healthy dinner each night.
- Even completing a small task can help you feel like you are making progress and moving on with your life.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Making Connections and Enjoying Life

1
Spend quality time with your friends. Your friends can help you, comfort you, and get you out there having a good time. You don't have to do anything particularly special. Try planning a movie night, going to the zoo, hitting the beach, or trying a new restaurant. Remember the fun you used to have with them and try to recapture that part of your life.^{[3]
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- Lean on your friends as you deal with a broken heart. Give yourself a chance to vent to someone who completely has your back.
2
Channel your energy into new activities. Use this time to reinvent yourself by exploring potential areas of interest for you. It's never too late to be the person that you have always wanted to be! Explore new hobbies, try new foods and live a life of excitement and novelty every day.
- Pick up a new skill. For example, you could try glass-blowing, ceramics, a new instrument, or cave diving.
- Invite friends to try these new things with you if you prefer, or do them alone.
3
Volunteer in your community. Volunteering will help you see the real impact you have on people's lives, and can show you how fortunate you are to have everything you do. Find a local homeless shelter, soup kitchen, nursing home or school to volunteer at and focus on helping others.
- Research local organizations with missions that align with your passions and volunteer with them.
4
Adopt a pet for comfort and companionship. If you have the time and resources, caring for a pet can be a rewarding and healing experience. Consider adopting a cat or dog from your local shelter. That way, you'll gain a new friend and also save the life of an animal that deserves a forever home.
- If you rent rather than own your living space, make sure you're allowed to have a pet by checking with your landlord first.
- Having a pet can also help you connect with other pet owners. For example, if you walk your dog at the park, you can chat with other dog owners.
- If you already have a pet, spend more time with them. Bring home a new toy or a special treat and just enjoy their company.
5
Start dating again when you feel ready. After whatever time you deem necessary, you might feel ready to date again. You'll meet interesting new people and it may help you to move on. However, don't feel pressured to date if you aren't emotionally ready! Take your time.^{[4]
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- Once you do start dating, you don't have to get serious with someone else right away. Move at a comfortable pace and try to avoid rebound relationships.
- If you've spent very little time in your past being single, or if you seem to have relationships one after the other without a break in between, you may need to watch out for rebounding.^{[5]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Separating Yourself from Your Ex

1
Cut off all contact with them. One of the most important steps to moving past your breakup is cutting off all communication with your ex. Do not call, text or email them. If they reach out to you, don't reply. You can even consider blocking them if you feel tempted to respond. Give yourself a minimum of 90 days while you detach emotionally from them.^{[6]
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- If you have children or assets together, this won't be possible. Try to limit your interactions to only those that are absolutely necessary.
- If you don't have any reason (like children) to speak after 90 days, consider a full break from that person with no communication. Otherwise, you may prolong your pain and have a hard time moving on.^{[7]
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- If you feel like reaching out to them, write them an email but don’t send it. Putting your feelings into words can be cathartic.
2
Disconnect from the person on all social networks. Unfollow or delete the person on Facebook and unfollow them on Twitter and Instagram. You may want to make the social media disconnection permanent, since there's no reason to remind yourself of them in the future. Consider cleansing their pictures from your own social media profiles, too.
- You don't have to delete the images forever! Just remove them from your accounts so you don't have to see them constantly.
- You may also want to unfollow their friends for now, so you don’t run the risk of seeing a picture or post about your ex.
3
Avoid places where your ex hangs out. Seeing your ex frequently may keep wounds open longer than necessary. Try to avoid places they frequent. Take a different route to work or class. These small inconveniences will help you heal much faster.
4
Schedule time to grieve. True healing can only come if you allow yourself to feel your emotions rather than constantly stifling them. Set aside private time every day to think about the breakup. Don’t hold in your tears; let them flow, freeing you of some of the sadness you're carrying.
- Every day, devote less and less time to grieving. You'll eventually find yourself thinking about the breakup less often.
5
Cleanse your space of reminders of your ex. Remove all the memories of the person from your everyday life. The goal isn't to pretend like the person never existed, but simply to remove reminders which are currently painful for you.
- Collect all pictures, letters, and references to your ex and pack them away.
- Removing is different from destroying. Don't burn or destroy any objects associated with the person, unless you're sure you'll never want to look at them again.

Expert Q&A
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Question

How do I move on?

Amy Chan
Relationship Coach
Amy Chan is a Relationship Coach and the Founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to healing after the end of a relationship. Her team of psychologists and coaches has helped hundreds of individuals in just five years of operation, and the Bootcamp has been featured on CNN, Vogue, the New York Times, and Fortune. She has published a book on her work, Breakup Bootcamp.

Amy Chan

Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Don't worry about meeting your lifelong partner right away. That adds an incredible pressure to yourself and can take the fun out of dating. Date with the intention of creating connection, or date to practice being present and curious.
Question

Can a 13 year relationship be saved if both people have PTSD?

Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

Paul Chernyak, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

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Depends on the basis of the relationship. I would suggest seeing a professional for this kind of information. Ideally, you both need to work on your own PTSD.
Question

I'm a single dad with two kids what should I do?

Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

Paul Chernyak, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Depends on your situation. Can you start dating again? Are you in financial trouble? Write down your concerns and try to proactively work on them. Get help from your family if possible.