How to Get a Girl to Like You in Middle School

Last Updated: March 13, 2023 References Approved

If there's a special girl in your sights, you might be stressing over how you can get her to like you. Don't worry! By bettering yourself and showing her that you're a cool, fun person, you'll be closer to winning her affection.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Getting Close to Her

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Befriend her. Think of her as a friend that you like; it will be easier to talk to her, and less awkward. Plus, you will get a chance to get to know her. Girls need to be able to trust guys, and winning her friendship will help you get that trust from her. Be there for her when she needs it and don't expect anything back in return.^{[1]
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- Spend time with her. Ask her to help you with a problem. If you sit next to her, it will be easier to get her attention. Ask her for help, making eye contact all the way. Perhaps compliment her, but only after she helps you. For example, if she helps with a math problem, say, "Wow, you're really quick!" or "Thanks, you're really good at this!"
- Help her out when she needs help. If she asks you to do something, that's usually a pretty good sign that she's interested in you.
- Keep the attention on her face. Girls hate it when boys "go perverted" on them (paying too much attention to her body; a quick scan of her clothing is fine). Look into her eyes when she is talking. Don't stare at her or look at her in a suspicious way. Treat her respectfully and like you would a friend.
- Do things as a group. At first, try to involve her in group activities so that you really get to know one another. Do something with your boys and invite her and her other friends along. Go to the movies together, or the beach, or to a baseball game.
2
Get to know her friends. Be careful with this one. Don't get all super nice with them, as she might get the idea you like them more than her, also don't tell her that you know someone else likes you, this could really upset her. But make an effort to get along with her friends and introduce her to your friends. This will go a long way in driving you two closer together.
- Again the issue here is trust. If her friends like you, she's going to take more chances on you because she trusts her friends. If her friends know nothing about you, she's less likely to take a chance on you because she has no secondary evidence on you.
- Get to know other girls. If you can't crack her group of friends and feel like they'll just end up disliking you for whatever reason, try to get friendly with other girls. Don't flirt or act suggestively around them. Just befriend them. This will show her that other girls, at least, get along with you.
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3
Gently start flirting with her. A little goes a long way here. Don't come on super strong, but be a little more deliberate about your gestures around her. Only start flirting with her once you've established some sort of friendship. If you haven't done this yet, flirting can be really difficult.
- Try to get her to laugh or even smile. Most girls like boys with a sense of humor — not goofy slapstick, or fake laughing. It's always good if you can make her laugh. And don't be afraid to laugh along, or even laugh at yourself. A good sense of humor is key!
- Compliment her on her hair, clothing, or smile. Again, don't make it obvious that you like her. Girls usually like being complimented. If she has already flirted with you, then you should compliment her back with something like, "Wow, you have really pretty eyes," "You really have beautiful hair," or "Did you get a haircut?"
  - Keep the compliments PG. Don't compliment her feminine features, like her breasts or her butt. It's best to stay classy and respectful. Stick to complimenting her hair, clothing, eyes, or smile. Never ever think about sex when first meeting and talking to a girl. It will make you look weird.
- Find out what makes her feel special. If a girl stresses about her looks, compliment her appearance. If she draws a lot, make her feel like a good painter. Customize what you say to her based on how she sees herself. If you reinforce the way she wants to be seen, you're making the right moves.
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Don't suddenly ask if she likes you. You have to have some momentum when you ask her out, so work on developing that first. It's like racing: You have to rev your engine a little bit to warm it up before you take off. It's the same with girls: Look at the signals, build a comfortable relationship with her, and then ask her out.^{[2]
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- Be observant. Don't make eyes at a girl if you know she is taken, or if you have another girlfriend. Remember, if you ask a friend if she's single, that friend will immediately go up to your crush and start rumors. You don't want to cause any unnecessary drama. Keep it to yourself for now.
- Look at her body language. See if she looks at you during class or talks to you more than usual. These signs mean she might already like you. If so, good for you! If one hand is fidgeting with her hair or she looks down at her feet bashfully, that's a good sign. Here are some other signs she might like you:
  - She giggles or laughs at things you say, even if they aren't exactly funny.
  - She keeps constant eye contact with you when you're talking to each other.
  - She tickles or touches you when she talks to you.
  - She asks you to do her favors, like hold her backpack in between classes or hold her place in line.
5
Break the touch barrier slowly. If you two are talking, it's okay to reach out and touch her in a safe place to emphasize a point you're making. It's okay to lightly touch her hand, or her shoulder, or her back. If she likes you, this will send a thrill down her spine.
- "Accidentally" touch or brush against her shoulder, on the arm or hand (not body) when you're both looking at a project or something similar (or even when passing by in the hallway) and look at her with a smile. If she likes you, then when you make eye contact, she will smile and look away.
6
Avoid pestering, bothering, or boring her. You're trying to make an impression on her, but it's sometimes tough to get close to her while being respectful of her space. Don't overwhelm or smother her with your attention. You may think you're getting somewhere with her, but if she associates you with someone who is pesky and bothersome, that's definitely not a good thing.
- Don't ask the same question twice. "Your favorite color is green, right?” will not go down smoothly. Girls aren't dumb; they have memory. Try to stay away from short conversations with short answers. For example, don't ask "Do you like ____?", but "Why" and "How" questions - they are always good for a longer conversation. Start with a conversation you think she will be interested in. Don't interrupt when she's talking.
- Maintain a little bit of mystery. Girls like a bit of mystery in a guy; they're obsessed with the strong/silent type if he's good looking. If he's not, he's probably going to have to use humor or intelligence to really get to her. Regardless, don't be an open book. Don't tell her everything you're doing. Don't be available all the time. Humans are drawn to things we don't fully understand.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Taking the Next Step

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Notice the signs. If she starts wearing perfume and cuter clothes, she tries talking to you more, etc., then she definitely likes you. Tell her she's looking great. Compliment on her appearance. Girls try looking attractive for a reason. It's helpful to reward her effort with compliments, increased attention, or even a date.
2
Ask her out. The next step in your relationship has come: You're pretty sure she likes you, and you want to take the next move. Find a nice, relatively isolated place to ask her (away from friends and distractions). Make sure there's nothing distracting about your appearance. Remember to be confident. Remember, the girl expects you to take the initiative and ask her.^{[3]
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- You don't have to call it a "date." When you ask her, try to stay casual about it. If she asks you whether you're asking her out on a date, you can say yes, but calling it a date might unnecessarily scare her. Here are some ways to ask her:
  - "Hey, so that movie we were talking about last week? I got a couple tickets to it, would you want to go together on Friday?"
  - "Hi, so I know the state fair is pretty lame. But my friend has a booth and I'm thinking about going. Would you want to brave it together?"
  - "Hey there. I was thinking about going to the football game when they play [our rivals] on Friday. Do you want to go with me?"
3
Be very deliberate about how you ask her. Asking her out is an art, not a science. But there's a couple things that you can do to ensure that you give yourself the best chance to impress her and successfully get that date.
- Practice your lines beforehand. Try it in a mirror if you have one. Practicing your lines will help you feel more confident when it comes time to actually ask her. Plus, you won't be as likely to stutter or flub your lines. Making sure your question comes out as smoothly as possible is important.
- Ask her in person, not text. Text is certainly an easier way to ask her out, but it's not nearly as effective. The problem with text is that it's easier for her to say no to you, because she doesn't have to deal with your emotional reaction directly, in person. So be sure to be there in person when you ask her; you'll have a lot more success.
- If you can't find the courage to directly ask her out, then don't ask a friend to do it in your stead. She might think it's a joke and not really consider it. Wait a little while if you can't rack up the courage. The closer you get, the easier it will be to finally ask her.
4
Expect the best but be prepared for the worst. You don't want to be bawling your heart out if she doesn't say "yes." If, for whatever reason, she says she has plans and can't go, leaving it at that, that means that you've done all that you can. Don't get too down on yourself; suck up your pride, tell her it's alright, and walk off as confidently as possible.
- Make sure you don't "beg" for her to reconsider right after you were rejected. Begging won't help; you can't will someone to like you just like that. Begging her is also bad because it might wreck any chance you had with her later when she decides she likes you.
- If she says "yes," remember to ask for her phone number and give out your own. You want to be able to call her and occasionally text her. Don't text or call her all the time; text or call her once to hammer out the details of the date and then only text her occasionally.
5
Take her out on a date. A date is where you get to know each other better and start possibly getting intimate. For the first date, take her someplace where there are people around, but where there's also distractions. The movies, the zoo, the mall, the pool are all great choices. If you're extra confident that you can hold a conversation for a long while, park or a restaurant.
- Pay for her. Whether it's tickets for the movies, admission to the zoo, or food at a restaurant, you want to demonstrate that you're a gentleman and that you're generous. Paying for her is also a good way to tell her it's a date (without actually telling her), if she doesn't already know.
- Don't grab onto her immediately. Give her some personal space. If you're at the movies, wait a little bit to put your arm around her; if you're walking somewhere, wait a little bit to start holding her hand. Your patience will be rewarded: Once she gets comfortable, she'll be more willing to respond to your affection.
- Smile, relax, and pay attention to what she says. Show her you're happy being with her by smiling. Don't be too nervous when you're on the date; she's probably just as nervous as you are! Finally, pay attention to what she says. This will help you make conversation with her that is informed, interesting, and lasting. If the date goes well, you've accomplished all your goals — she definitely likes you!

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Figuring Out Your Image

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Be genuine. If you try to portray yourself as someone or something you're not, she probably won't like it. If you are going to get her interested, it's going to be because she sees something deep inside you that intrigues her. Don't copy other kids or mime other fads; be comfortable about who you are and your confidence will reward you. Girls like guys who are unique but confident, who march to the beat of their own drum.^{[4]
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- Don't act like you're desperate. Girls like attention, but they dislike guys who are needy and desperate. A large portion of girls are afraid to ask out guys, so show you like her, but don't go overboard. Don't make her your one and only focus, or it will seem too clingy or overbearing.
- Don't show off. A lot of guys think this is a good thing to do, but it's not the right approach. The problem with showing off is that the girl could think you're too cocky or obsessed with yourself. It's okay to do things you're good at, but don't go out there trying to get her attention.
- Be casual. Don't stress out about trivial things like "I hope she will like my shirt!" Just play it cool, and be nice to her. Girls like guys who act natural and go with the flow. If you're having trouble keeping your composure around her, think of her as a friend instead of a romantic interest. Don't be awkward. Don't say things like " Hey baby " or anything like that.
2
Care about your appearance. Maybe you think that she likes a certain kind of guy, like rocker or preppy guys. While she may have a preference, it's not worth it to "become" that kind of guy. Better to simply groom yourself, look presentable, and treat your body with care. If you do these things, it won't matter what you look like to her. Your appearance lures her in; your personality makes her stay.^{[5]
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- Shower, wash your face, and wash your hair regularly. Shower every day, wash your face twice a day, and wash your hair every other day. If you are starting to have pimples, you can do lots of at home remedies. Put honey on your face, or lemon. Any type of citrus will work. If you touch your face a lot, your face will get oily, and you'll break out. Pay attention to how your hair looks, even if you go for a messier look.
- Don't overwhelm her with cologne or body spray. Commercials are misleading: most girls want you to be odorless, not smell like a ripe peach or mountain spray. Don't worry about cologne or body spray. If you wash regularly, a simple deodorant will do the trick.
- Get in shape if you need to. If you need to lose a few pounds, then put in the work: Find some form of exercise that works for you. Swimming, running, or cycling is all good options. Even walking 15 minutes each day is a good start. But whatever you do, don't OVERDO it. She doesn't exactly want the Incredible Hulk as her boyfriend.
- Start eating healthy. Instead of fatty burgers and sweets, start incorporating a healthy amount of vegetables, fruits, and protein into your diet. Not only will you feel better, you'll start looking better, too.
3
Be a nice guy. Girls in real life don't like the cocky player you see in the movies and on TV. Or if they do, they quickly realize they can't have a real relationship with him once they get close. A girl who's worth chasing wants a nice guy who respects her. Be kind, be polite, be gentle. These things help relationships grow, and make girls want to be around you more.^{[6]
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- Be a gentleman, which means being mature. Don't get gushy with her, and don't crack jokes about her body or others' bodies. Let her see that you're a decent, respectful guy with manners and class. Open the door in front of her and others. Give advice and guidance to those who want it. Only say things about people you'd be comfortable with saying to their face.
- Stick up for her. If she's put in an uncomfortable situation — a fight or an argument — be there to break up the fight or offer support. Stand up for her if someone says something nasty about her; do this with other people you care about, too.
- Be generous. Don't think that you're the center of the universe. Be there to offer a helping hand to other people, and word will soon spread that you care about making a difference. Think about volunteering, giving blood, or doing some sort of charity work.
4
Improve the small things that you can improve. The great thing about love is that it makes you want to be a better person. Not just for her sake, but for your own sake, too. Being in love will give you a lot of motivation to take some of your mistakes or flaws and starting working to make them less noticeable or better.
- If you have a temper, cool it down. Girls don't like guys who suddenly blow up and cause a scene without warning. Be aware of what sets you off, and try to avoid it. As hard as it is, do the opposite of what you normally do when you get frustrated.
- Work on your conversation skills. If you plan on impressing her, you're going to need to have multiple conversations with her. Work on good conversation topics, good questions, interesting/funny stories, and calming your nerves when you're around her.
- Learn a skill that no one in your class has, then do it when you are around her. Don't be a showoff about it. Pretend that you are showing it to your friends. Some good ideas for skills are magic tricks, juggling, and being able to play an instrument. It really doesn't matter which. It will show your personality in whichever you choose.
- Pursue some other hobby or interest. The world is really fascinating, and there's a lot to learn. To keep yourself a little distracted, it's a good idea to get involved in extracurriculars like engineering, sports or ancient history. When she learns how much you know about your hobby, she'll definitely be impressed.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I ask for my crush's number?

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."

Connell Barrett

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

The best way to do that is to be confident and take the lead. Take your phone out and give them a compliment. Say, "Hey, I've really liked talking to you, you're really funny, let's trade numbers." Assume they feel the same way instead of saying, "Hey, can I please maybe get your number?" Confidence can go a long way.

Warnings

Do not say mean jokes about her because you are trying to be funny, all girls find this annoying and rude.

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Do not be negative; always think and speak positively.

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Do not talk about a made-up girlfriend to impress her. This is the stupidest thing to do when you like a girl.

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Do not try to take things away from her, hit her, or do something annoying to her.

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Do not look or touch her inappropriately. It is a major turn-off and she may think of you as a pervert.

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Don't get obsessed, there are other things in life besides your crush, and if you're too focused on her you may get labeled as creepy or a stalker.

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