How to Get a Girl to Ask You Out

Last Updated: September 1, 2021 References

Attracting a woman can often feel like a puzzle with no clear solution to some. In truth, the way to go about getting someone interested will depend entirely on the people involved, as well as what you're already bringing to the table. No matter what way you go about it however, there are some basic things that will never steer you wrong. Developing confidence in yourself and your abilities, nurturing new talents and capitalizing on the ones you currently have are good starters if you want to get a woman to ask you out. From there, it's all about bringing your best qualities to the table when meeting and interacting with women.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Being Attractive

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Develop specialized interests. The most interesting people tend to be those who have opted to specialize themselves in hobbies and interests the most passionately. No matter how geeky or unfashionable your current interests may be, it is considered attractive for a man to own up to what he's interested in, and own confidence enough to show them off with pride. When you're meeting a woman for the first time, this will also give you plenty of possible material to converse with.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Suzanna Mathews
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 18 August 2021.}^{[2]
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Research source}
2
Spend time with friends. Maintaining an active and healthy social life is an important part of feeling confidence.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Suzanna Mathews
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 18 August 2021.} Anyone is bound to feel down on themselves if they feel isolated from the rest of society. If you're feeling in need of cheering up, spending time with your existing circle of friends can give you the morale you need to broaden your horizons.
- Not to mention-- the most common way of meeting new people is through the people you already know. If you're looking to meet a woman, you can't go wrong with going out with the friends you already have.
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Exercise regularly.^{[4]
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Trustworthy Source
Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source} Personality, charm and confidence are far and beyond the most important factors in getting a woman's attention, but it doesn't hurt to be in relatively good shape. Taking care of your health shows to a woman that you have self-respect and discipline. This will make her that much more likely to take you seriously as a possible partner. Take a look at your own body and try to access the things you'd like to see improved.
- If you're overweight, going for a run or using an elliptical machine can help shed pounds, so long as it's done in tandem with a whole foods-based diet.
- If you lack sufficient muscle definition, you should determine which muscles you would like to see improve the most and focus on them. Keep in mind, however, that good health comes from valuing every part of your body. A well-balanced workout will always have better results than simply training up your biceps.
- Get at least six hours of sleep every night, and try to get to sleep around the same time every evening.
- Watching what you eat will have a big effect on the way you feel. Steering clear of fat and sugar-heavy processed foods should see a significant change in your mood within a couple of weeks.
4
Dress the part of a gentleman. If a woman is going to step outside her comfort zone and show open interest towards you, you had better make sire you are a catch worth pursuing. A big part of that means presenting your body in a fashionable, attractive and sophisticated manner. Purchase a current men's fashion magazine for insights into what to wear and how to wear it.^{[5]
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- It's also important to be dressing as appropriately suits the place you'll be meeting at. As much as a three-piece suit looks great on just about any guy, you might seem silly if you're approaching a woman at a hardcore punk show dressed like that.
- Fashion is important, but personality and comfort are arguably even more crucial to your attractiveness. You won't be feeling quite like yourself if you're wearing something that doesn't suit your personal style. Worse still, dressing as someone you're not may attract the wrong sort of women to you.
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Demonstrate the physical indicators of confidence. Posture, eye contact, and proper force of step are all non-verbal ways of letting the world know you are confident in your abilities as a man. If you aren't already exhibiting these traits, it's a good idea to train yourself to do them in the mirror. Looking at yourself with give you a basic idea of the way other people are going to be perceiving you when you're stressing these physical indicators. Ideally, you will be ultimately demonstrating these on a constant basis without having to think about it. At first, you'll need to keep them in mind frequently. Give it enough time, and you'll start showing these signs by default.^{[6]
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- As an added bonus, expressing confidence physically will make you feel more confident on the inside as well. Keep running with it until it starts to come naturally, and you should feel the morale booster set in shortly thereafter.
- If you're having a hard time developing a dash of confidence in yourself toward women, try writing down a list of things you think women might potentially find attractive in you. No matter how down yourself you might be, there are things about you a woman would die for.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Meeting a Woman

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Go to places to meet the women you want. While the obvious places to meet women are bars and clubs, the fact remains that they're a lowest common denominator. If you're looking for a more specific kind of partner, you should think beforehand what kind of places your ideal woman would frequent on her time off. A more bookish type would probably find his best match at a library, school or convention. Contrast that with an athletic type, who would be better off at a sporting event or dance club when seeking his other half.
- If you already have a woman in mind, you should make yourself present in places she will normally be. Make sure not to overdo it however, as you don't want to pass yourself off as a creep.
2
Make eye contact and smile. A lot rests on making the best possible first impression. With that said, you shouldn't necessarily be putting too much thought into it. If you have a natural confidence in your abilities and personality, a first impression will succeed on its own. Make eye contact, smile nonchalantly and introduce yourself casually. Even if the two of you are already attracted to one another, it's best to stay slightly aloof at first.^{[7]
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Introduce yourself. There are many ways you could go about introducing yourself to a woman. The most natural and effective method is to look to your mutual surroundings for inspiration. If there is something noteworthy about the event or place you're at, you should bring it up. It could be anything-- is the music too loud? Is the entertainment boring, or the food especially tasty? Ultimately, it doesn't really matter what the particulars are, so long as you approach the situation feeling sure of yourself and your motivations.
- If you're at a concert for example, you could say: "That last song was pretty incredible! What have you thought of the show so far?"
- Or, if you're feeling particularly sure of yourself, you can just as easily go up and say "Hi!". There's no harm in trying, and if you're confident enough, the aura you'll emit should be enough to get her interested piqued.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Interacting With Her

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Enjoy yourself. Once you've struck the initial introductions, it is time to get to know this woman and hopefully spark some interest between the two of you.^{[8]
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Research source} No matter how badly you may want to get to know her, it's important to keep your initial interactions light and playful.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Suzanna Mathews
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 18 August 2021.} This includes smiling, joking around, and stressing casual fun over any matters of importance.
- This can't happen if you're worrying too much or not having fun yourself, so try to make your own enjoyment the first step before focusing on her. The better you're feeling, the smoother the charm will flow.
2
Ask her questions about herself. Asking a woman about her life will demonstrate your interest in her, as well as give you a better idea if there's any mutual compatibility. Every question is a potential conversation starter, so try to make your questions as open-ended as they can be.
- Avoid questions like "How old are you?" or "Where do you work?"
- Aim for questions that would demand longer answers, such as "What sort of stuff do you do at work?" or "How did you end up here tonight?" With any luck, the next conversation topic will be buried in her response.^{[10]
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  Expert Source
  
  Suzanna Mathews
  Dating & Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 18 August 2021.}
3
Talk about yourself. When it comes time to turn the tables on you, you should be honest with your answers. Give a just answer to the questions she asks, and don't be afraid to go into detail with talking about yourself, remembering all the while to keep your conversation light and fun. The more detail and depth in an answer, the easier a conversation will flow.
- For example, if you are asked "What do you do for work?", you could answer in very basic terms ("I work at the post office.") but that doesn't offer much opportunity to let the conversation breathe. Instead, you should dive into more details, offering opportunities for the woman to ask more: "I work at the post office sorting out mail and deliveries. It's usually pretty hectic, especially around holiday season. I'm not sure I enjoy it so much, but I'm expecting a promotion really soon.")
- Of course, you don't want to talk about yourself too much. A man who talks about himself excessively is often interpreted as narcissistic and undesirable by most women. It's better to strike a fine balance between asking questions and giving responses.
- Demonstrating the traditional physical signs of confidence (such as posture and proper speaking volume) will translate into yourself feeling more certain of yourself.
4
Leave subtle hints of your interest. If you're wanting to get a woman to pursue you, you're still going to have to exhibit some signs of interest. However, part of the fun here is making those hints subtle enough that they aren't construed as actively hitting on the woman. You want to make her think it's her idea to pursue you, after all!^{[11]
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- Offhand compliments about her are a good thing, so long as you don't hinge them on her appearance. Chances are she's heard the same lines dozens of times before.
- Steady eye contact is a powerful tool that enables quick familiarity and chemistry between two people.
5
Assume the role of an active listener. A lot of men put far too much emphasis on being assertive and seeming confident when first meeting a woman that they lose sight of the fact that the conversation is meant to go both ways. A woman will be more interested in you if you know something about her and accept her as such for it. When she's telling you something, don't let your attention be broken for anything.
- In order to demonstrate active listener, you should occasionally summarize what the woman has told you thus far. While it may sound strange, it shows the other person you've been taking the time to listen in on what they're saying. Chances are you already know people who use this technique without knowing it themselves! With confidence and experience, it can be done fluidly as part of a conversation.
- It goes without saying that it is much easier to listen to someone if you are genuinely interested in what she has to say. At the end of the day, chemistry cannot be forced. If you are really having a hard time staying engaged by the conversation, it may be best to turn away and find someone else to talk to.
6
Let her chase you, rather than the other way around. Men are often conditioned in society to pursue women they are interested in. While this bodes well in many cases, this also doesn't give the woman much of an incentive to chase you herself. She may even come to expect to be chased! Instead, you've got to be aloof and make yourself effectively emotionally distant while you're trying to get her attention. If you drop subtle hints of your interest, you might even give her the impression it was her idea all along.
- Use the push-pull technique. This is a tried-and-tested technique that, if done correctly, will get girls to chase you and seek your approval. First, give the girl a compliment, or offer her some other sort of positive reinforcement. Once she is warming up to it, pull away and act more cold and aloof.^{[12]
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  Research source} Done in the right way, this will get the woman hooked on your affection without getting too used to it.
7
Give her a chance to ask you out. When it comes time to part ways, you should make a point of giving at least a few seconds for her to ask you out. Whether it's an extended embrace or some lingering eye contact before saying goodbye, offering her the chance to go out on a limb and ask you out is important.
- Don't hesitate too long-- due to societal norms, it's possible and even likely that, in an extended silence, she is waiting for you to ask her out!

Warnings

Don't use waiting for her to ask you out as an excuse not to take the initiative yourself should an opportunity arise.

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This won't work for all women. Only outgoing women will work against the grain and ask out a man. Some women are too introverted and would sooner hide their interest rather than act on it.

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