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It's never easy when your mom doesn’t like one of your friends. But it’s not impossible to change her mind. Explain how important your friend is to you and let your mom know what a good influence they are in your life. You might want to involve other people, like your dad or an older sibling, who can intercede for you and change your mom’s mind. When talking to your mom about hanging out with your friend, always be polite and respectful, and prepare carefully what you want to say.
Steps
Method 1
Method 1 of 3:
Emphasizing the Benefits of Your Friendship
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1Explain how much you enjoy being with your friend.[1] Think about why you like being with your friend, then share this reason with your mom. Does your friend make you laugh? Do they help you think about the world in a different way? Do they inspire you to be a better person? Whatever your reason, your mom might be more willing to let you spend time together if she understands why you want to hang out with your friend.
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2Tell your mom about the positive impact of your friendship.[2] Your mom might not know your friend as well as you do. Explain to her all the good ways you’ve changed your life or behavior due to your friendship, or the ways your friendship has made you a better person.
- For instance, if your friend helps you understand your homework, your mom might be more disposed to letting you hang out with them. Likewise, if you tell her that your friend encouraged you to eat a more healthy diet, your mom might be impressed and change her mind about you hanging out with them.
- If your friend is, in fact, having a negative impact on you and your life -- for instance, if they encourage you to lie, steal, or abuse illegal substances -- your mom is right that you should not hang out with that person.
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3Illustrate how your friend makes you feel.[3] Rich friendships can improve our quality of life and mental health. Being able to connect with someone in an authentic way is rare, especially in an era of digital technology and social media. Tell your mom that hanging out with your friend relieves stress and makes you feel as though you belong.
- If your friend does not make you feel good, your mom might be right that you should not be hanging out with them.
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4Use a mediator. Sometimes it helps to have someone else speak on your behalf. Your mom might have a hard time seeing your side of the argument and respond more positively to someone else. Having a third party talk to your mom on your behalf might change her mind about you and your friend, even if all they do is rehash the information and appeals that you’ve already made. Your mediator might be:
- An older sibling
- Your father or step-father
- A family counselor, teacher, or trusted family friend[4]
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5Know when your mom is right. Sometimes, moms might disapprove of your friend for good reasons. If contact with your friend is causing your grades to slip, or leading you to try risky behaviors, you should take advantage of your mom’s insight and stop hanging out with that friend.[5]
- Moms usually want what is best for their kids.[6]
- However, if your mom disapproves of your friend for arbitrary or unfair reasons (like their religion, class, gender, or race) you should do all you can to show your mom that she is being prejudiced and bigoted.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:
Making Strategic Plans
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1Have your friend over.[7] [8] Your mom might disapprove of your friend because she doesn’t know them well, or she might have false information about your friend. Ask your mom if you can invite your friend over for dinner or to just hang out at your house for a bit. This way, your mom can monitor the situation and, hopefully, realize that she misjudged your friend's character.
- It might help if your friend’s mom or parents came over, too. Moms often like to meet the parents of their children’s friends.
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2Pair your friend with a friend your mom likes. This is a good option if your mom lets you hang out with your friend even though she doesn’t approve of them. Your mom will probably be more lenient and feel more comfortable when she knows that you’re in the company of a friend she approves of. There are lots of fun things you can do in a group with your friends, including:
- Try cooking something new with your friends. Talk with your friends about something tasty they might want to make. Go to the store, get your ingredients, then divide up the cooking process (one person can chop veggies, one person can boil the pasta, etc.).
- Go shopping with your friends. If you don’t have money, try window browsing, or ask your mom for some money.
- Have a movie night with your friends.
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3Be productive with your friend. Invite your friend to the library or to another friend’s house and do homework, work on a group project, or review for a test together. This way, the approval you get from your mom for being studious will negate (or at least diminish) her disapproval of your friend.
- Be sure to actually study with your friend if that’s your intention. If you goof off watching cat videos online, your plan will backfire and your mom will not be happy.
- You don’t necessarily need to tell your mom that you’re studying with a friend she doesn’t approve of. Just tell her that you’re studying after school. However, if she asks directly who you’re studying with, don’t lie.
- Studying or doing homework with a friend is a great way to learn. Studying with one or more friends can improve rates of retention over the material, increase motivation, and can provide greater access to information.
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4Join an extracurricular activity with your friend.[9] Sports are not only a great source of exercise, they can also be a great way to spend time with a friend your mom doesn’t approve of. Talk with your friend about sports you both like. Many schools or community education agencies organize volleyball, swimming, baseball, and other sports teams for people of all ages.
- Sports aren’t the only extracurricular activity you could engage in. Some schools offer chess clubs, video game clubs, and photography clubs.
- If you can’t find a club you like, talk to your school administrator about starting a club of your own where you and your friend can hang out together and meet new friends.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:
Talking to Your Mom
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1Prepare carefully for the discussion before talking to your mom.[10] Write a list of all the specific reasons you think your mom should let you hang out with a friend that she disapproves of. Use this list to develop a short speech that can guide the discussion with your mom.
- If you want to write your entire statement out and read it word-for-word, that’s fine, but it’s better to engage in natural conversation with your mother.
- If you’re really creative, you could put together a PowerPoint presentation about why she should let you hang out with your friend.[11] This will show her that you are serious and that your friend means a lot to you, even though she disapproves of them.
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2Choose the right time to talk to your mom.[12] [13] The best time to talk with your mom is when you are both relaxed and have time to engage with each other. Talking to your mom is probably best during the weekend, or after dinner during the week.
- Do not try talking to your mom in the morning, when the crunch of rushing off to work and shoveling down a quick breakfast might make her indisposed to pay full attention to what you have to say.
- Similarly, don’t talk to your mom too late in the day, when she will be tired and preparing for bed.
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3Strike a bargain with your mom.[14] Your mom might be more willing to let you hang out with a friend she doesn’t approve of if you offer something in return. For instance, you might promise to be home at a certain hour, or to stay home and babysit your kid brother tomorrow. Whatever your situation, try to find something your mom wants and use it to sweeten the deal.[15]
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4Be persuasive. Be clear about what you want and why you should be allowed to hang out with your friend. Appeal to your mom’s logic and sense of fairness. Acknowledge her point of view by saying, “I know you disapprove of my friend, but here’s why you should approve of him/her…”
- Encourage empathy.[16] Your mom might have forgotten what it was like to be your age. Ask her to remember a time when she was younger and her mom told her that she wasn’t allowed to hang out with a friend. How did it make her feel?
- Be polite to your mom. Don’t say, “It’s really stupid that you won’t let me hang out with my friend.” That will not encourage her to change her mind, and could actually steel her resolve against allowing you to hang out with your friend.
- Nod when your mother asks a question. This behavior shows you are listening and being respectful.
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5Ask your mom to think it over.[17] After you’re done talking to your mom, ask her politely to consider your point of view and think about letting you hang out with your friend. If you insist on a decision immediately, your mom might continue to reject the notion of you and your friend hanging out. By giving her some time to make a decision and process everything you’ve said more carefully, you improve your odds of getting a good response.
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6Follow up with your mom. If she allows you to hang out with your friend, keep her informed about what you and your friend are doing. Tell her where you plan on going and when. If your plans change, let her know.[18] This will show her that she was right to trust you, and dispose her toward giving you more freedom with other friends in the future, even if she initially disapproves of them.
- If she decides to stand firm in her decision and continues to forbid you from hanging out with the friend, ask her why. Think about how you can alleviate her specific concerns and take action to do so.
- If she still says no after you’ve talked things over with her, don’t whine, pout, or yell about her decision.
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Warnings
- Only do what you told your mother you were going to do. If you break the rules, chances are you won't get a second chance with your friend.⧼thumbs_response⧽
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References
- ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/friendships/art-20044860
- ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/friendships/art-20044860
- ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/friendships/art-20044860
- ↑ http://hechingerreport.org/how-one-observant-muslim-girl-persuaded-her-parents-to-let-her-go-to-princeton/
- ↑ http://www.cnn.com/2014/11/25/living/brutally-honest-parenting
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/hanaan-rosenthal/advice-for-teens_b_2037523.html
- ↑ http://www.familyvacationcritic.com/taking-along-your-kids-friends-what-to-know-before-you-go/art/
- ↑ http://www.cnn.com/2014/11/25/living/brutally-honest-parenting
- ↑ http://teenshealth.org/en/teens/involved-school.html
- ↑ https://career.ucsf.edu/sites/career.ucsf.edu/files/PDF/Howtogiveapersuasivespeech.pdf
- ↑ http://time.com/4092565/gta-v-powerpoint/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/unthinking/201104/whens-the-best-time-get-yes
- ↑ http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/12-practical-ways-persuade-anyone-anything-easily.html
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/hanaan-rosenthal/advice-for-teens_b_2037523.html
- ↑ http://articles.sun-sentinel.com/2011-09-12/specialsection/fl-tl-0908carparents-20110912_1_car-parents-bus-schedule
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201103/how-test-your-empathy
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/hanaan-rosenthal/advice-for-teens_b_2037523.html
- ↑ http://blogs.uwhealth.org/kids/2014/10/teens-and-malls/
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