How to Find the Perfect Boyfriend

Co-authored by Joshua Pompey

Last Updated: October 25, 2022

When you're looking for the perfect boyfriend, it's vital that you understand what "perfect" means to you. Spend some time thinking about your own qualities, values, and goals. Put yourself out there by looking in all the right places: get involved in causes you care about, ask for help from friends you admire. Finally, learn to recognize perfection in its many forms.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Learning Your Values

1
Rank the qualities that matter most to you. Most people want someone who is reliable, affectionate, and fair.^{[1]
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Research source} Beyond that, it may matter to you that your partner is flexible, creative, smart, energetic, organized, etc.
- Think of people who make you happy. Write down their qualities. Are these the qualities you want in a partner? This is the one time to be selfish about what YOU want. Not what other people want.
- Evaluate your own personality. Most people are happiest with someone of a similar personality, so rank your own qualities as well.
2
Make a list of your goals. Think about everything you want to achieve in the next few years. How do you envision your perfect boyfriend fitting into this plan?
- Goals might include: work or school related accomplishments, working toward greater mental stability and happiness, starting a family, traveling, etc.
- You'll want to find someone who won't impede any of these goals. For instance, if your goal is greater mental stability and happiness, but you meet a really handsome, smart, work-oriented guy who neglects his own happiness and mental health, you might want to pass.
- Imagine the ideal length of the relationship. Do you want a perfect summer fling? A great boyfriend for the rest of school? A future husband? This is important because you need to know which of your goals to protect.
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3
Take stock of what you have. All relationships involve a degree of sacrifice. What are you absolutely unwilling to give up? A close relationship with your family? An independent living space? Your great friend group? Are you unwilling to move? Is there a political or religious issue that you need to agree on?
- This will guide you as you find your perfect guy. For instance, if you want to stay in your hometown, you should date someone who is also from there or who says they really want to stay there.
- If you want to be able to prioritize your career, you need to find someone who is willing to take on a more supportive role, or who is equally career-focused and will prioritize your career advancement as much as his own.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Meeting Good Candidates

1
Check out your friends' friends. You like your friends, your friends like you, and they probably know some guys you'll find perfect. Spend time with your group of friends, and organize activities in which everyone invites other friends along. Ask your friends to set you up with guys they think you'll like.
- Be careful not to date someone one of your friends likes—check before you ask him out.
2
Get involved in activities you care about. To find someone perfect for you, attend events for things that you are passionate about. You'll meet people you have at least one thing in common with that way! Go to social spaces like gallery openings, poetry readings, concerts, protests, and religious gatherings.
- Make a point of talking to several new people at every gathering you attend. Don't just chat up the cuties—if you make friends, they'll introduce you to eligible men.
3
Check for stability. You won't be able to tell if he's perfect for you right away, but do yourself a favor and see if he's a stable person before you start looking for perfection. Observe how he treats others. If he's nice to you, but very critical of others, he's probably also very critical of you when he's talking to others.
- If he complains about his exes or other women, or refers to women as "crazy" or "hysterical," he's probably a terrible boyfriend.
- If he criticizes you, even if he balances it with compliments, he's trying to manipulate you.
- Listen to how he talks about himself. Does he brag a lot? Does he tell stories in which he's completely the hero or completely the victim? These are signs of instability.
- Watch out for "too good to be true." Ironically, if he seems perfect, he's probably manipulating your view of him.
4
Look for interest. If he seems like a stable person, check to see if he's interested in you. He isn't perfect for you if he isn't attracted to you—you need to both see signs of compatibility.
- Does he ask you questions? If he does, he's trying to learn about you.
- Look at his feet and hips. Are they pointed at you when you're talking? When you're in a group? These are unconscious signs that you're the one he's most interested in.^{[2]
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  Research source}
5
Ask him out. If you think he's stable, exhibits the qualities you were looking for, and is attracted to you, ask him out. Some ways to ask him out include: asking him if wants to get a meal sometime, asking him if he'd like to take a walk and continue your conversation, or giving him your number and telling him to call you.
- You can also wait until he asks, but make sure to talk to him, smile at him, and flirt with him while you wait.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Finding Perfection

1
Notice how he makes you feel. If you think you've found Mr. Perfect, check in with your feelings. How does it feel to talk to him? Exciting and tingling feelings are good, as they're signs of attraction. Equally important is that you leave the conversations feeling good about yourself—like you are a good person who deserves to be happy.
- Do you feel capable around him? Strong? These are excellent signs.
- If he makes you feel nervous and unworthy, these are bad signs.
2
Take note of his qualities that you hadn't expected. You might find there are things you really like about your partner that you hadn't put on your list. For instance, he might be really open with his emotions, or he might have a way of always being down for fun.
- It's great if you meet someone who becomes the "new perfect"—not the guy you wanted, but the guy you really need.
3
Settle for someone who makes you happy. "Perfect" doesn't mean flawless. It means perfect for you, for your own imperfect life. Find a boyfriend who shares your values, who has the qualities you most admire, who makes you feel good, who supports your goals, and who treats you well. That's perfect.

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[2]

How to Find the Perfect Boyfriend

Steps

Learning Your Values

Meeting Good Candidates

Finding Perfection

References

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