How to Encourage Your Wife to Return to Work

Last Updated: March 12, 2023 References

Whether your wife has been furloughed from her job, is recovering from an injury, or has been at home caring for the kids, talking to her about returning to work is a delicate situation. It's important to sit down with your wife and determine if your family needs a second income. If you decide that you do, you can make the decision much easier by offering to take on some additional responsibilities at home and helping her find a job she loves.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Evaluating the Costs and Benefits

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Review your finances together. One of the easiest ways to motivate anyone to return to work is to review how much money you have. Find a quiet time to sit down together and make a list of your monthly expenses. Compare this to your monthly income to determine whether your family needs additional money each month.^{[1]
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- Be sure to include everything that you spend money on each month, including rent or mortgage payments, loan repayments, utilities, school tuition, food, transportation, clothing, and entertainment.
- In addition to expenses, be sure to consider savings that you might need for retirement, emergencies, or even luxuries like vacations. Talk to your wife about your long-term financial goals and whether or not you will be able to meet them with only one income.^{[2]
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Consider the hidden costs. While you may think a second income will make a huge difference to your family's financial situation, there may be lots of costs associated with your wife's returning to work, especially if you have children. Sit down together and come up with a list of all of the additional expenses you will incur if she does indeed go back to work. Balance these against her potential salary to determine if the decision makes sense for your family.
- If you have young children, childcare can be a huge expense. Coming up with an affordable and quality solution to this problem could really help your wife decide that it's okay for her to go back to work.
- If your wife did all of the laundry and cleaning, consider whether you will need to hire someone to step in to perform those tasks while she is at work.
- Think about whether you will be eating out more if your wife no longer has the time to cook meals at home every day.
- Consider whether you need buy a new car in order for your wife to commute to work.
- Think about the everyday expenses associated with going to work as well, including gas, tolls, business clothing, and lunches.
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Offer to help with household chores. If your wife has been taking care of all of the housework and/or has been taking care of the children while she has been out of work, she may be reluctant to return to work for fear that she will still be responsible for all of these tasks. It will be much easier to convince her to go back to work if you offer to split these responsibilities with her.
- Come up with a childcare schedule that is equal and fair. If she did 99.9% of the childcare, you’ll need to step up your game. Offer to take on nighttime feedings if you have an infant or take the kids to soccer practice during the week if you have older children.
- Start helping out more with cooking, cleaning, and laundry as well. If she sees that you are willing and able to take on these tasks, she might feel better about the idea of going back to work.
- Ask how you can make her life easier if she goes back to work. Sometimes it may be not be evident what can be helpful, so instead of guessing, just ask her.
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Consider her emotional well-being. The decision to return to work is not just a financial one; there are also a lot of emotions involved. It's important to determine how your wife really feels about returning to work and to address any concerns she may have about it.^{[3]
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- Some women get bored and depressed when they are not working. If you think this is the case for your wife, let her know that you are concerned about her and think that returning to work may be beneficial for her.
- Some women may feel extremely guilty about returning to work if they have young children. If your wife feels this way, it is important to sit down with her and talk about what you can do to ensure that your children stay happy and healthy after she returns to work. This may involve finding the right daycare program or making sure that your wife's work schedule is flexible enough that she can still attend soccer practice.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Helping Her Find the Right Fit

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Figure out a viable schedule. It will be helpful for both you and your wife if you have a plan for how to juggle your new schedule. Think carefully about your wife's responsibilities and limitations when deciding how many hours she can reasonably commit to working each week.
- If you have children, think about when your wife will need to be home to care for them. If she needs to be able to pick them up from school everyday, a full-time schedule may not work.
- If your wife is recovering from an illness, be sure to consider how many hours she will be able to work without further damaging her health. Don't push her to do more than her body can handle.^{[4]
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- Keep in mind that there are other options besides full-time and part-time employment. Depending on your wife's skills and your family's financial situation, she may be able to find work-at-home opportunities or even start her own business.
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Discuss the pros and cons of her last job. The last thing you want is for your wife to go back to a job or industry she hates, so be sure to discuss whether or not she was happy at her last job. Your wife will be much more willing to return to work if she can do a job that she genuinely enjoys.
- If she enjoyed her last job, encourage her to contact her previous employer to find out if there are any job openings that would be right for her. If this is not an option, brainstorm other job opportunities that would offer similar rewards and challenges.
- If she did not enjoy her last job, talk about what it was that she didn't like. It's important to understand if she didn't like the specific company she was working for or if she didn't like the kind of work she was doing. If she didn't like the kind of work she was doing, she may need to pursue something completely different.
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Consider how her interests and skills have changed. If your wife has been out of work for an extended period of time, going back to the same kind of work that she used to do might not be the right fit for her anymore. Sit down with your wife and discuss what has changed for her since she last worked.^{[5]
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- She may have discovered a new passion during her time away from the workforce. If this is the case, brainstorm different job opportunities that would allow her to pursue this passion.
- Your wife may also have different priorities now than she once did. For example, she may not be interested in returning to a job that requires constant travel if she wants to be able to spend more time with the family. If this is the case, brainstorm job opportunities that would utilize her skills, but would not require travel.
- If your wife needs help deciding what she wants to do, encourage her to see a career counselor.^{[6]
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Decide if a temporary job is necessary. If your financial situation is urgent, your wife may not have the luxury of being able to wait around for the perfect job. If this is the case for your family, sit down with your wife and talk about the possibility of her taking a temporary job to help pay the bills.^{[7]
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- Make sure she understands that you want her to continue looking for her dream job while she is working at her temporary job. Be supportive if she dislikes what she is doing and help her seek out opportunities for a job that will be more fulfilling.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Helping Her Land a Job

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Help her update her skills. The workforce changes quickly so if your wife has not worked for a while, she may no longer have the skills that employers are looking for. It's very important that your wife understand the new norms in the industry, which may mean acquiring some new skills.^{[8]
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- Keep in mind that technology has probably changed since your wife last worked. Even if it's only been a few years, encourage her to take a course or teach herself to use the latest technology related to her field.^{[9]
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- You can also help her get back in touch with her industry by researching conferences for her to attend or subscribing her to industry publications. This will not only help her stay on top of the latest trends and news, but it may reinvigorate her passion.
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Encourage her to network. Job hunters are typically much more successful in finding a position when they network with other professionals in their industry. If your wife is not already doing this, let her know how important it is to her success.
- If she has contacts from her last job who may be able to help her in her job search, suggest that she reach out to them by phone or email. Social media sites like LinkedIn also offer great networking opportunities.
- If your wife doesn't know people in the industry anymore, encourage her to meet people by doing volunteer work that is related to her field or attending conferences.^{[10]
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Help her write her resume. If your wife has not worked for a long time, chances are her resume needs to be updated. Putting all of your experience down on paper can seem like an intimidating task, but it's very important that she write a good resume, as this is the only way to make a good first impression with most prospective employers.
- If your wife has been out of work for a long period of time, encourage her to organize her resume in a functional format instead of a chronological format. This means grouping her relevant experience and skills by type instead of listing them in date order.
- If you are a good resume writer, help your wife by offering to revise or edit her resume for her. If this is not something you are particularly good at, consider asking a friend or family member who is a talented resume writer, or even hiring a professional to help her polish her resume.
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Practice interview questions. To help boost your wife's confidence and increase her chances of getting hired, help her practice for interviews by asking her sample questions. Focus both on common interview questions and questions specifically related to her extended absence from the workforce.
- Help your wife brainstorm about industry-related experience she accrued during her time away from work. For example, if she is a graphic designer, she may have used her skills to design posters for the kids' school play. Talking about these kinds of endeavors can help your wife convince potential employers that she was never entirely removed from her field of interest.
- Common interview questions include things like, "Why do you want to work for this company?", "What are your greatest strengths and weaknesses?", "Why do you think you would be a good fit for this position?", "What are your career goals?", "What was your biggest accomplishment and biggest failure?", and "How do you deal with angry customers or disagreements with coworkers?"^{[11]
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- Make sure your wife is knowledgeable about the company she will be interviewing with. It's also a good idea to help her think of a few questions that she wants to ask the interviewer that show interest in the company and/or position.^{[12]
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  Research source} A good question might be "What do you hope for the company to achieve in the next year?" or "What is the biggest obstacle facing this department right now?" Advise her to avoid asking questions about pay or benefits unless the interviewer brings these topics up first.
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Be supportive. Re-entering the workforce after an absence is not easy. Many formerly successful professionals find it very discouraging that they are not able to find high-paying jobs as easily as they thought they would be able to. Be prepared for this reality and be willing to be emotionally supportive if your wife becomes discouraged.^{[13]
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- It's common for people who have been out of work for a long time to doubt their own skills and abilities. If you feel this is the case with your wife, give her a confidence boost by reminding her of her many talents and accomplishments.
- It helps to be understanding if the job search is not going well. Even if the family is under a lot of financial pressure, it will not help the situation if you become confrontational or accusatory about your wife's inability to find a job.

Warnings

Don’t insist your wife returns to work, as this may cause tension in your marriage. It's much better to approach the decision as a team.

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