How to Deal if I Hate My Ex for Dumping Me

Co-authored by Kate Dreyfus and Aly Rusciano

Last Updated: February 8, 2022 References

Resenting your ex is normal after a breakup, especially if they dumped you. They’ve broken your heart, and you have every right to be upset with them, but anger won’t help you move on. Take a deep breath and know that you’ll be okay and that you can and will get through this—we’re here for you. So, if you’re hating your ex for breaking up with you, keep reading to learn how you can deal with all those emotions and move on.

1

Acknowledge the breakup.

To move on from your ex, you need to accept what happened. First, let yourself be okay with the breakup. This wasn’t the match for you, and there’s so much more for you to find out there. Being aware of your feelings toward your ex and the breakup can help you move on and start the next chapter of your amazing life.^{[1]
X
Expert Source

Kate Dreyfus
Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer
Expert Interview. 10 September 2021.}
- It’s normal to feel hatred toward your ex after a breakup, but anger can often be self-destructive.
- Ask yourself why you’re feeling angry and reflect on the reasons you’re feeling that way. Exploring and acknowledging your feelings can help you move on from them.

2

Accept that the relationship’s over.

Be willing to let go of your ex so you can move on. Hating your ex after they break your heart is completely normal, but you need to be willing to keep moving forward without them. Deal with your emotions by being truthful with yourself.^{[2]
X
Expert Source

Kate Dreyfus
Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer
Expert Interview. 10 September 2021.} False hope can set you back in your recovery, so be honest and remember that you don’t need someone to make you feel special.^{[3]
X
Research source}
- Rather than running back to your ex, honor their decision no matter how much it hurts.
- Move on from your ex only when you’re ready. There’s no need to rush your emotions, but try to start accepting that your relationship is over.^{[4]
  X
  Research source}

3

Let yourself grieve.

Grief is a natural reaction to a breakup. It’s normal to feel disbelief, anger, fear, and sadness when you lose someone. Even though it may not seem like it now, this is part of the healing process. Over time, your perspective will change and it’ll become easier to accept the loss. So, let yourself mourn what could’ve been, and you may find yourself healing in the process.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- Observe whatever emotion you’re feeling, whether that be anger, sadness, or despair, and reflect on why you may be feeling that way.
- Practice mindfulness and meditation. Focusing on breathing and clearing your mind can help you work through hateful feelings.
- Relax your jaw, shoulders, and neck when you feel a wave of grief or hatred. This can help ease building tension.

4

Let yourself feel.

It’s normal to feel powerful and painful emotions after a breakup. You’re not crazy for feeling lonely, sad, angry, or confused. Accept that it’s okay to feel this way, and allow yourself to feel these emotions. These feelings will lessen with time, especially if you give yourself the chance to reflect on them.^{[6]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- Identify and acknowledge your feelings rather than fighting them.
- Journal your feelings as a way to sort through conflicting emotions and reflect on why you’re feeling the way you are.
- Recognize if you’re feeling depressed. After a break up, each day will feel different, but you’ll soon start to feel better. If the sadness doesn’t lift, you may be depressed. Talk to a counselor or therapist for extra support if those blue feelings don’t fade.

5

Talk about how you feel.

It may be difficult, but vocalizing your emotions can help you heal. When you tell someone else about your feelings, it can be validating and help you feel less alone. Talk to someone you trust like a close family member, best friend, or supportive colleague. Getting your feelings out in the open can help you reflect and move on.^{[7]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- Try not to focus on talking about your ex but rather what you’re feeling.

6

Reflect on what you’ve learned.

The relationship wasn’t a waste even though you broke up. Think about all the things your ex and the relationship taught you, both good and bad. Did you find a new hobby when you were together? Have you found a new strength in yourself after the breakup? Relationships are full of lessons, so let yourself learn from this experience, no matter how much it hurts right now.^{[8]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- Let the hate you have for your ex right now fuel your want to be better, stronger, and wiser.

7

Focus on the future.

Forget about getting over your ex and think about moving forward. You’re right where you need to be, feeling the emotions you need to feel. Take it one day at a time, focusing on tomorrow rather than yesterday. Looking away from the past can help ease those feelings of hatred by giving you something to look forward to.^{[9]
X
Research source}
- Think of moving forward as a way of not staying stuck in one place.
- When you start to dwell on the past, focus on what’s to come. Is a new episode of your favorite show coming out this week? Do you have new classes coming up?
- If something isn’t working for you, reframe your thinking to help you move forward. Instead of “I must think harder and faster,” think, “I must find a new strategy that works for me at this moment.”

8

Reach out to family and friends.

Getting dumped hurts, and you don’t have to go through this alone. Schedule time to hang out with friends, even if that means just watching a movie at home in your pajamas. Surround yourself with positive people who support you during this difficult time.^{[10]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- Spend time with people who won’t judge or criticize you. You should feel comforted by your support group.^{[11]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Kate Dreyfus
  Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer
  Expert Interview. 10 September 2021.}

9

Follow a routine.

A breakup can disrupt your life, so find a new balance to deal with the emotions. Structure your life around yourself, focusing on your needs and wants. Start taking a regular fitness class, schedule days to take yourself out to lunch, or find a regular time to hang out with friends. Sticking to a schedule can bring about a new sense of normalcy and give you the chance to experience life away from your ex.^{[12]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- Be gentle with yourself when first starting a new routine.
- Put aside major decisions or life changes for the first few months after a breakup to give yourself time to get back into the groove without any added pressures.

10

Do things that make you happy.

It’s important to take care of yourself after a breakup. Use the extra time on your hands to do things you know will lift your spirits and ease the hatred in your heart. Get back into your hobbies, especially if they help you relax and clear your mind.^{[13]
X
Research source}
- If you love crafting, start up a new project. Paint by numbers and diamond art can be great stress relieving projects to explore.
- If you love movies, catch up on your favorite flicks. Watch childhood favorites or feel-good movies that’ll make you smile.
- If you love music, go to a concert and sing your heart out. Bring some friends with you, let loose, and have a great time.

11

Try something new.

Think of the breakup not as an end, but as a new beginning. This time is meant for you, so take it as an opportunity to try something new. Maybe give baking a try, or shoot your shot at joining a local basketball team. Exploring new and exciting activities will distract you from your hatred and give you a new sense of purpose.^{[14]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- Channel your anger by trying activities that’ll help release your frustrations. Give karaoke, dancing, running, or painting a try.^{[15]
  X
  Research source}

12

Make healthy choices.

Self-care is an important part of dealing with your emotions. Give yourself the tools you need to grow both inside and out by eating a nutritious diet, getting enough sleep, and exercising daily. Not only will taking care of yourself help your body feel good, it can help take your mind off your ex.^{[16]
X
Expert Source

Kate Dreyfus
Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer
Expert Interview. 10 September 2021.}
- Add a few extra veggies to your dinner plate, but don’t punish yourself by skipping dessert.
- Aim to get 7 to 10 hours of sleep a night to wake up feeling refreshed.^{[17]
  X
  Research source}
- Try going for a morning walk to start the day off with some warm sunshine.

13

Practice breathing exercises.

Soothe your mind with a few inhales and exhales when anger builds. A calm breath every once and a while can ease painful and hateful emotions, helping you observe why you feel the way you do. Breathe through moments of stress and know that you can and will get through this.^{[18]
X
Research source} Here are some breathing exercises you can try to help you relax:^{[19]
X
Research source}
- Belly breathing: Lie back in a comfortable position with one hand on your belly and the other on your heart. Take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. Focus on making the hand on your belly rise with each inhale and lower with each exhale. Repeat 3 to 10 times.
- 4-7-8 breathing: Count to 4 as you slowly breathe in, and hold that breath while counting from 1 to 7. Exhale for a new count of 8, trying to get all the air out by the time you reach 8. Repeat 3 to 7 times.

14

Seek professional help.

Talk to a counselor, therapist, or other licensed professional if your emotions affect your daily life. It’s normal to feel sad, confused, and angry after a breakup, and hating your ex isn’t abnormal. But if you’re suddenly unable to complete daily tasks and start to feel depressed or self-conscious, it may be time to seek professional help. A therapist can help you navigate and cope with negative feelings, especially those toward your ex.^{[20]
X
Research source}
- If talking to a licensed professional in-person isn’t an option, online therapy services like BetterHelp and TalkSpace can help you get the care you need without leaving the house.