How to Deal With an Annoying Boy

Write down what is annoying you. For example, write down what he is doing that makes you frustrated. Some of his behaviors could hurt your feelings. For example, does he call you names? Other behaviors might be pesky but are not hurting you. For instance, does he constantly ask you to do things with him? For either type of behavior, there are ways to help.

Identify whether his behavior constitutes harassment. Harassment is when someone behaves in a way that makes you feel distressed, humiliated, and/or threatened.^[1] Examples of harassment include unwanted phone calls, text messages, letters, emails or visits. Stalking, verbal abuse and threats, and using animals to frighten you are also forms of harassment.

• If the boy is harassing you, physically hurting you in any way (e.g. pulling your hair, throwing things at you), or making you feel badly about yourself, tell a trusted adult immediately. If no adult is available and you feel in danger, call the police.
• Peer-on-peer harassment that is related to your race or disability is illegal. Sexual harassment is also against the law. You should discuss these forms of harassment with a teacher immediately.

Determine how long the boy has been annoying you. Has he only annoyed you once? Is he teasing you constantly? If the behavior is ongoing and causing you distress, seek help from an adult. Repeated harassment can lead to depression and anxiety, losing sleep, and lower grades at school.^[2]

Think about the reasons. The boy could be trying to hurt your feelings. He could be jealous of you. He also might want to be your friend. Although it seems odd that he would annoy you for that reason, perhaps he does not know how to approach you. If he is your brother, he might miss spending time with you. Some boys also think making fun of you is funny. They expect that you will find their behavior to be a good joke.^[3] Ask yourself these questions:

• Do I want to be his friend? If so, think about ways to interact with him more positively.
• Is he mean to other people around me? If he is mean to others or annoys them intentionally, he might be a bully. In this case, talking to your teacher is a good idea.
• Has your relationship changed? This is often the case with little brothers. Did you use to spend time with him? Have you stopped now? Could he be feeling left out?

Talk to the boy. If you feel safe doing so, ask the boy why he is bothering you. Maybe he does not realize he is annoying you. Then you can ask him nicely to change his behavior. If he wants to be around you all the time, tell him politely that you are not interested in his company. Be kind but firm. If he is unwilling to speak to you, talk to a teacher or another adult about his behavior.

• For example, in dealing with a pesky boy, you could say: "Hi, Dylan. Why are you always throwing paper balls at me? It distracts me from doing my homework. Please stop. If you need something from me, please ask me nicely."
• If there is a boy who wants to be your friend but you don't like him, you could say: "Hi, William. I appreciate the fact that you want to hang out with me. I think you are a nice person but our interests don't match well. Please stop calling my house every day."
• If the boy is your brother, he likely looks up to you. You and he will have a relationship the rest of your lives. Schedule time to hang out on a specific day. Ask him, though, to respect your need for time alone or with your friends. By showing him you care, he will less likely annoy you at other times. You could say, "Hi, Logan. I love you very much. I need some time alone, though. Can we plan to take a bike ride on Saturday morning?"
• You do not have to play or be friends with anyone. You are free to choose your friends and others must respect that.