How to Deal With a Perfectionist at Work

Co-authored by Devin Jones

Last Updated: May 6, 2021 References

Working with a perfectionist can be a challenge. People who are perfectionists may by extremely detail-oriented, sticklers for the rules, or negative towards other people. You might be frustrated by an employee, coworker, or boss who has these tendencies, but there are ways to deal with these types of people.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Dealing With a Perfectionist Subordinate

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Keep in mind that there are different types of perfectionists. Perfectionists tend to notice details and they have high standards, so you may be tempted to place them in a management role.^{[1]
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Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
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Research source} However, in some cases, this might not work out because of the different forms that perfectionism can take. Some of the different types of perfectionism include:^{[3]
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- Neurotic Perfectionism. These types of perfectionists crave the approval of others and they may worry incessantly that they will not get it. For example, a neurotic perfectionist might spend hours on a relatively unimportant email to his or her boss and agonize over every word and phrase.
- Narcissistic Perfectionism. These types of perfectionists rely on the opinions of others for their sense of superiority. They are also fond of rules and order. For example, someone who is a narcissistic perfectionist might show off her knowledge of a procedure or rule to gain the approval of her coworkers or superiors.
- Principled Perfectionism. These perfectionists are driven by morality and ethics. They might even try to impose their morality and ethics on other people in the workplace. For example, a principled perfectionist who is opposed to eating meat might shame other coworkers for what they are eating during lunchtime.
- Hyper-Attentive Perfectionism. These perfectionists focus in on minor details to an unreasonable degree, and they may be bothered by external stimuli. For example, a hyper-attentive perfectionist might become unreasonably upset if a coworker asks her a question while she is composing an email and breaks her focus.
2
Avoid giving projects that are too large in scope. Many perfectionists are hard workers, which are admirable qualities for an employee to possess. However, some perfectionists have a tendency to hone in on small components of a project rather than looking at the big picture.^{[4]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
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Research source} Therefore, it might be helpful to select tasks carefully for these types of employees.
- Give them tasks that are detail oriented and limited in scope, so they don't get a large project bogged down by too many details. Some perfectionists may not be willing to delegate to others, so it's best to let them work independently on projects that require a unified vision to be successful.
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3
Appeal to their sense of empathy and vanity. If your employee is a neurotic or narcissistic perfectionist, then he or she will have a strong drive to please others. Therefore, explaining how their work style is affecting the team's overall performance may be an effective way to motivate the person.^{[6]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
Go to source} Phrase it in terms that show that you realize they have high standards, and that you appreciate those high standards.
- For example, you might say something like, "You've got high standards, just like me, and that's what this organization needs. Just remember, good morale is critical to good production. A good rule of thumb is to give two compliments for every criticism."
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Appeal to their self-interest. Some perfectionists are quite ambitious and may even desire to be perfect, which is either due to internal motivation or external motivation.^{[7]
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Trustworthy Source
American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source} If the person is treating other people in the workplace poorly, then you might explain to the person that managers who demoralize their subordinates struggle to advance in the workplace.^{[8]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
Go to source} The higher a person advances in the corporate hierarchy, the more they have to compromise in order for the good of the whole.
- Try saying something like this: "You are always trying to make sure that all the details are attended to, and that every little thing is done exactly right. That's fantastic, because people have to get the little things right before they can get the big things right. You're well on your way to big things. Just remember, upper management is all about the big picture. The big picture is understanding that focusing on improving from 95% success to 100% success usually bogs you down. The tunnel vision costs you more than it does to simply move on to the next project."

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Dealing With a Perfectionist Colleague

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Pick your battles. It is important to decide when you should take a stand and when you should let something go. This can be difficult, but taking a moment to consider how important the issue is may help you to decide when to take a stand or not.
- The idea here is to keep perspective. Since this is a co-worker and not a boss, agreeing with them doesn't necessarily mean that you actually have to follow their suggestions. Although it might seem overly passive, just saying "yes" and moving on with your life can diminish conflict between you and your colleague and diminish stress on your part.^{[9]
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- Remember that agreeing with the person doesn't give them power over you. In fact, it does the opposite, because it frees you from focusing on the person’s demands.
2
Ask what they want you to do differently. Sometimes a perfectionist may hide their insecurities by using criticism.^{[10]
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Research source} This can be upsetting, but it might help to remind yourself that this is a defense mechanism. The person may just be lashing out at you because he or she feels insecure about something.
- By asking your colleague about how they would prefer something to be done, you can disarm those insecurities. Try signaling to them that you are a person who cares about their feelings.^{[11]
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  Research source} When they understand that you value their feelings, it makes them feel more secure, which makes them less likely to criticize you in the future.
- For example, you might say something like, “It seems like you are upset about the outcome of this project. Do you want to talk about it?”
3
Stick to your guns. If the issue is important to you, then you are right to stick to your guns. It is unlikely that your supervisors and co-workers are unaware of your colleague's perfectionist tendencies. If something is important to you and you disagree, you have a right to say so.
- Disagreeing doesn't mean arguing. State your disagreement and move on.^{[12]
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  Research source} The disagreement doesn't have to define the relationship if you don't let it. Try saying something like, "I respect what you’re saying, I think we are just coming at it from different perspectives."
- If they seem intent on having an argument with you, then walk away. It's unlikely your colleagues and supervisors are unaware of your co-worker's ways. Therefore, it's unlikely you will get blamed for not wanting to get drawn into an argument with them.
4
Keep your distance. This simplest way to avoid conflict is sometimes to avoid the person you conflict with. When you do have to work together, remind them that everybody has their own job, and that you have to do yours to the boss' satisfaction, and not theirs.
- You can always disengage. If your odious co-worker is going on about an inconsequential detail, just remain noncommittal.
- Start off with "ok," "I see," or the old standby, "huh."
- Then make your escape--"I didn't know you felt that way. So interesting. One of these days, we're going to have to do lunch and you can tell me all about it. Gotta go."

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Dealing With a Perfectionist Supervisor

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Manage your manager. This is a technique called "managing up." The idea is to identify your bosses personality quirks, strengths, and weaknesses, and tailor your communication style to theirs.^{[13]
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- Perfectionists desire to be in control. This might seem self-evident, but the proper response isn't. If you have a boss who is a control freak, use it to your advantage. When they give you a task, ask direct, detailed questions that define the limits of the assignment.^{[14]
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- Ask about your manager’s expectations. This may give your manager an enhanced feeling of control, but it also protects you from an arbitrary response on their part. Although perfectionism might be inherently unreasonable, people--even perfectionist people--try not to be. If they have given you a starting point, an endpoint, and the boundaries of a task, if you complete it according to their specifications it lessens the likelihood that they will be angry with you.^{[16]
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Push the information their way. Once you've got a good handle on what they're looking for, don't wait for them to ask you for it, or "pull it out" of you. Push it their way.
- The more you give them the information they’re looking for without asking, the less likely they are to think about you and your imperfections. It allows you to avoid conflict by being in the right place at the right time, which in this case, is out of sight and out of mind.
3
Make peace with the fact that there is only so much you can do. In the limited relationship that you have as a subordinate, it is very unlikely that you are going to change your boss' fundamental personality profile.^{[18]
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Research source} They may always be critical, and they may always be overly critical.
- However, it might be possible to earn your boss’s respect. The bad news is that you may have to endure numerous tiresome interactions in the process. The good news is that other subordinates have probably earned the respect of your boss, your boss has probably recommended others for promotions, and your boss has probably given good employment references to former employees. There's no reason he or she can't do the same for you.
4
Seek mentoring and support in other places. Since perfectionists have unreasonably high standards, it will always be difficult to earn their praise. They make very poor mentors, so don't expect them to fill that role.^{[19]
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- We all need support and guidance, but if you seek it from your perfectionist boss, it will likely end up doing little but harming your self-image. Don't put yourself in the position to have your self-worth determined by someone who thinks everyone is unworthy.^{[20]
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  Research source} The perfectionist boss is a situation to deal with and get through. Do your best to make it as short as possible.
5
Jump ship if and when you have to. Since the perfectionist boss is a situation to be dealt with and adapted to, and no accepted indefinitely, you have to know when to cut the cord.
- If the boss is unlikely to leave his or her position, then once you've earned their respect enough to get a good recommendation, find a way to move. That might mean a transfer within the company, and it might mean finding a job outside of the company.

Expert Q&A

Question

What can I do to deal with a difficult manager?

Colleen Campbell, PhD, PCC
Career & Life Coach
Dr. Colleen Campbell is the Founder and CEO of The Ignite Your Potential Centers, Career and Life Coaching based in the San Francisco Bay Area and Los Angeles. Colleen is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). Colleen received her MA and PhD in Clinical Psychology from Sofia University and has been career coaching since 2008.

Colleen Campbell, PhD, PCC

Career & Life Coach

Expert Answer

Number one, stop taking work home with you. If you're constantly being pummeled with work, you're more likely to burn out. Someone could be a really responsible person, but as soon as they start to burn out that starts to change. This can lead to a brand new set of problems. Second, you need to make sure you're setting time aside to relax and recuperate. Then you can start tackling the headaches at work and figure out how you can streamline your workflow to avoid conflict.
Question

Are perfectionists narcissists?

Sandra Possing
Life Coach
Sandra Possing is a life coach, speaker, and entrepreneur based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Sandra specializes in one-on-one coaching with a focus on mindset and leadership transformation. Sandra received her coaching training from The Coaches Training Institute and has seven years of life coaching experience. She holds a BA in Anthropology from the University of California, Los Angeles.

Sandra Possing

Life Coach

Expert Answer

No, I would presume those two aren't necessarily related. Perfectionists tend to be too hard on themselves, while narcissists often think they don't do anything wrong. It's all about how you view your behavior.