How to Be Both Humble and Confident

Co-authored by Leah Morris and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: June 10, 2021 References

Feeling confident in yourself is an uphill battle that requires a lot of self-reflection and acceptance. Once you reach a state of confidence in yourself, it can be easy to slide into arrogance. However, your confidence will be received much better if you stay humble while making decisions and keeping up with relationships. Try to realize that everyone is going through their own journey and surround yourself with positive people to keep your humility and confidence in balance.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Balancing Confidence and Humility

1
Improve your self-confidence by making a list of your strengths. Everybody is good at something, and although it may be hard to see for yourself, you have traits that others don’t have. To value your own self-worth, make a list of talents or skills that you have that you are proud of. Keep this list around to reflect on anytime you are feeling negative about yourself.^{[1]
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- Try to write down skills like kindness, being good at directions, being handy, and being a good listener.
2
Welcome new ideas and beliefs. Finding morals and ways of life that you believe in is great, but humbleness means being open to the fact that you might be wrong. Take stock of your own beliefs, like religion, politics, and morals, and research them thoroughly. Make sure you really believe in them for your own reasons and that you are not just following in the footsteps of others.^{[2]
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- Many people will have their own biases when they tell you about what they believe in, and that’s okay. Use your own judgment on whether or not to take someone’s opinion seriously.
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3
Realize that other people will have differing opinions, and that’s okay. You won’t be able to convince everyone that you know that your opinions are right. Have confidence in knowing that your own beliefs are sound, but stay humble in realizing that other people also have opinions and hold different beliefs. Have discussions with people around you, but don’t expect to convince them of anything.^{[3]
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Warning: The workplace is usually not a good space to debate politics or religion. Keep those talks out of the office.
4
Understand that your value does not decrease the value of others. Having confidence means that you realize your own self-worth, but it does not put you above other people. You are absolutely allowed to love yourself, but do so without putting others down. Recognize that other people are also struggling and trying to find confidence in themselves.^{[4]
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- Not everyone is as confident as you are, and they may be on a journey of self-discovery. Remember that you were once doubtful of yourself too.
5
Set goals while being content with what you have.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Leah Morris
Life Coach
Expert Interview. 19 June 2020.} Look for ways to improve your life while still staying thankful for what you have. Think about how your life has changed and improved over the last months or even years. Remind yourself that everything in your life that you have right now was once a goal of yours that you meant to accomplish.^{[6]
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- A new living situation, job, or friendships can be goals that you set for yourself in the future.

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Applying Humble Confidence to Your Relationships

1
Surround yourself with positive people. Negativity breeds negativity, and if you are spending all of your time around people who bring you down, you will eventually stoop to their level. Confidence and humility can’t be met with opposition every time. Try to find peers who like you for who you are and push you toward your goals instead of focusing on your mistakes.^{[7]
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- People who also set goals for themselves and try to improve upon themselves are the ones who will push you toward your own goals.
2
Make decisions based on your opinions plus the opinions of those close to you. If you have confidence in yourself, you may think that you know what is right all the time. However, serious life choices, like making a move, accepting a new job, or going back to school can have effects on the people in your life who are close to you. Practice humility by checking in with them and not assuming that you always know the best.^{[8]
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- For example, if you have the option of being promoted at work but it means you will be traveling for 3 weeks out of each month, check in with your significant other to see if they are comfortable with this life change.
3
Take responsibility for your mistakes. Everybody messes up sometimes, and being both humble and confident means that you own up to your mistakes. Don’t make a big deal about your mishap or beg for anyone’s forgiveness; instead, apologize to anyone you have wronged and promise to do better in the future.^{[9]
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- If you forget a deadline at work, apologize to your boss and coworkers and tell them that you are now keeping a calendar of your deadlines on your computer so that it won’t happen again.
Tip: Begging for people’s forgiveness or acting too sad and defeated does not make you seem confident.
4
Show gratitude to those around you.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Leah Morris
Life Coach
Expert Interview. 19 June 2020.} People do things every day that make your life easier. Your partner making you breakfast, a coworker helping you out with a project, a child doing their homework without you asking. Call attention to people when they do things that help you out. This will show you have the confidence to compliment others and the humbleness to say that they helped you.^{[11]
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- Avoid putting other people down. This shows a lack of confidence.
5
Offer suggestions instead of commands. Friends, coworkers, and spouses are much more likely to take your advice seriously if you offer it up as an option instead of something that they have to do. Give them examples of life experiences that you have had while relating them to their struggles or situations.^{[12]
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- Instead of saying, “Talk to your boss tomorrow about getting a raise,” try, “When I wanted a raise, I went straight to my boss and showed her that I deserved a pay increase. I made sure to emphasize all the new work I was undertaking and how much I was doing for the company.”
6
Avoid bragging about your strengths. Confidence and humility is a hard balance to strike. Try not to bring up the things you are good at by bragging about them or telling your peers about how much better at something you are than them. Instead, wait until an opportunity arises to demonstrate your strengths.^{[13]
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Trustworthy Source
American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source}
- For example, if you’re good with computers, wait until your coworker comes to you with a computer problem instead of telling them about how good you are with computers.
7
Be open to feedback from your peers. You may think you are doing everything correctly, but your actions could be affecting someone negatively. If a coworker or a friend pulls you aside to gently nudge you in a different direction, don’t be hostile or take it as an attack. Instead, realize that they are trying to help you better yourself.^{[14]
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Trustworthy Source
American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source}
- If you are in a leadership position, you can ask the people you are in charge of for direct feedback.
8
Practice compassion and understanding. Other people are in different stages of life than you and may be going through struggles that differ from yours. Try to understand where they are coming from and practice listening to their problems without passing judgement. Even if your friend or acquaintance makes choices that you don’t agree with, you can still support them by being there for them in their times of need.^{[15]
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- If someone is making really bad choices, you can point them out, but they may not listen to you.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I stop feeling bad about myself?

Leah Morris
Life Coach
Leah Morris is a Life and Relationship Transition coach and the owner of Life Remade, a holistic personal coaching service. With over three years as a professional coach, she specializes in guiding people as they move through both short-term and long-term life transitions. Leah holds a BA in Organizational Communication from California State University, Chico and is a certified Transformational Life Coach through the Southwest Institute for Healing Arts.

Leah Morris

Life Coach

Expert Answer

Remind yourself of your strengths through positive affirmations. Try looking in the mirror and saying your strengths out loud. Even if you don't believe it at first, these positive affirmations can go a long way in building up your confidence.
Question

How can I look more confident?

Leah Morris
Life Coach
Leah Morris is a Life and Relationship Transition coach and the owner of Life Remade, a holistic personal coaching service. With over three years as a professional coach, she specializes in guiding people as they move through both short-term and long-term life transitions. Leah holds a BA in Organizational Communication from California State University, Chico and is a certified Transformational Life Coach through the Southwest Institute for Healing Arts.

Leah Morris

Life Coach

Expert Answer

Taking a deep breath and puffing your chest out can really calm your nervous system and lessen your anxiety. That calm nature really comes across more confidently, as does changing your posture, putting your shoulders back, and keeping your head up.