How to Avoid Bullies

Bullying can hurt your feelings and make you afraid to leave home. If you’re dealing with a bully, know that you aren’t alone, and things will get better! One way to help yourself feel better fast is to avoid your bullies, whether you see them in person or they’re cyber bullying you. However, it’s also important that you build yourself up so you have confidence and support.

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Dealing with Bullies in Person

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    Steer clear of the places your bully likes to go whenever possible. Take note of where you see your bully, then track the places they typically go. If you can, avoid these places so you’re less likely to see your bully. However, don’t let them keep you from going places you enjoy.[1]
    • For instance, you might notice that your bully likes to hang out in at the front entrance to your school. You might take the back entrance instead.
    • Similarly, you might notice that your bully is always in the break room at work. You might spend your breaks somewhere else.
    • However, if your bully likes to hang out in the band hall but you’re also in band, don’t let them keep you from doing what you love!
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    Identify the bullying hotspots in your school and don't go alone. Most schools have areas where bullying tends to occur. Often, these are areas that are hard for adults to supervise. Pay attention to these areas at your school, then try not to go there alone. Here are some common hotspots:[2]
    • Student bathrooms
    • The locker room
    • The school bus
    • Hallways that aren’t well-supervised
    • The lunchroom
    • The playground
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    Travel with a buddy so that the bully won’t mess with you. Bullies are less likely to bother you when you aren’t alone, so use the buddy system to keep your bullies away. Walk with a friend when you know your bully might be around.[3]
    • If none of your friends are around, look for someone else who’s not part of the bully’s group. Then, try to hang around them. Start up a conversation with a simple question like, “What do you think of the new science teacher?” or “What did you think of the last pep rally?”
    • The more people you have around you, the less likely a bully is to mess with you. Try to hang out with a group as often as you can.
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    Stand up straight, hold your head high, and walk away from the bully. The bully wants you to feel bad, so they’ll be less likely to bother you if you look confident. Act like you’re confident by keeping your back straight, rolling your shoulders back, and looking straight forward. Then, walk swiftly away.[4]
    • It’s okay if you feel nervous and scared on the inside! You can still make your bully think that you’re confident.
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    Don’t react when your bully insults you. Since your bully is trying to make you feel bad, they’re hoping that you will react to what they say. Try to pretend like you don’t hear what they’re saying. As another option, laugh off what they say.[5]
    • If you feel like you need to say something, make it a classy comeback. You might say, “Are you finished?” “Why are you talking to me?” or “You seem to think I care what you think.”
    • It’s hard not to get upset when someone is bullying you. To help you stay calm, count to 100, picture yourself doing something fun, or think of your favorite scene in a comedy film. Alternatively, try taking deep breaths. Focusing on your breathing can help you stay in tune with your body and calm down.[6] If you’re still feeling upset later, talk to a trusted friend or write down your feelings so they don’t build up.
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    Talk to a trusted adult or your supervisor about the bullying. You might feel worried that no one will listen to you, but help is available. You don’t deserve to be bullied! If you're a child or teen, tell an adult that you trust, like your parent, guardian, favorite teacher, or counselor. If you're an adult, talk to your supervisor or human resources manager. Then, ask them to help you deal with the bully.[7]
    • Say, “Every day Myka waits for me in the bathroom between classes. When he sees me, he calls me names, makes fun of my looks, and spits at me. Will you help me figure out what to do?”
    • You might also say, "When Kevin gets stressed, he comes into my office and yells at me for no reason. It's really affecting my work output, and it's making me afraid to come to work. How can we resolve this issue?"
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Coping with Cyber Bullies

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    Recognize cyber bullying as digital harassment and threats. Cyber bullies may use text messages, online messages, social media, and emails to hurt or humiliate you.[8] You might know the person who's doing it, or they might use a fake profile. Notice if you're receiving messages or seeing online posts that make you feel embarrassed or afraid. It's possible that you're being cyber bullied.
    • For instance, you might receive a message that says, "No one likes you." This is cyber bullying, and it's wrong. Additionally, don't believe the message because it's not true.
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    Tell someone you trust that you’re experiencing cyber bullying. You probably don’t want anyone knowing what’s happening, but it’s important that you tell someone. Explain what’s going on and show the person the posts. Then, ask them to help you stop the bullying.[9]
    • Talk to your parent, guardian, older sibling, grandparent, teacher, school counselor, principal, supervisor, or human resource manager.
    • Say, “Some kids from school created fake social media accounts and are sending me horrible messages. I don’t know what to do, and I need help.”
    • You might also say, "Someone is sending harassing emails to my work email, and they have inside information that's only available to employees. Is it possible to track down the sender?"
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    Block accounts that you know are bullying you. When you receive a message or see a mean post, immediately block that account. This makes it harder for the bullies to get to you.[10]
    • Some bullies will create a new account so they can keep bullying you. If this happens, block those accounts, as well.
    • If you are receiving harmful and unkind comments on your posts and videos, consider disabling the comments on your individual posts to stop the harassment.[11]
    • If you’re worried about losing evidence of the bullying, ask a trusted friend to take screenshots of the posts and comments they see from their account. For instance, if kids from school are posting about you, your friend can screenshot their comments.
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    Don’t respond to any messages you receive. It hurts a lot to receive mean messages from someone, so it’s understandable that you’d want to respond. However, doing so will only make the situation worse because the bully will keep sending messages. Instead, refuse to talk to someone who’s going to be mean to you.[12]
    • It may help to write your response on a piece of paper and then tear it up. Alternatively, tell a friend or family member how you feel.
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    Screenshot what’s said about you, then delete the original post. Save the screenshots to a file or flash drive so you can use them as evidence of the bullying. However, don’t look at them again after you put them in the folder. Instead, try to put the comments out of your mind.[13]
    • Consider giving your parent or guardian the flash drive so they can hold onto it for you. This way you won’t be tempted to look at it when you’re feeling down.
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    Be careful about what you post and share with friends. While it’s totally unfair, your personal photos, posts, and private messages can be used to bully you. This isn’t your fault at all! At the same time, you can protect yourself by being careful with what you send and post.[14]
    • For instance, avoid sending revealing photos of yourself.
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    Avoid seeking revenge because it hurts you in the long-run. When someone hurts you, it’s totally normal to want revenge. However, focusing on revenge distracts you from your own happiness. Additionally, it can actually get you in trouble for cyber bullying. Instead, remind yourself that the best revenge is being happy![15]
    • You can’t control how other people act, but you can control how you react to them. Instead of reacting with anger, react by taking care of yourself.
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    Focus your attention on making your real life awesome. If you’re dealing with cyber bullies, the best way to avoid them is to stay offline. Instead of spending time on your phone or computer, engage in hobbies and activities that you enjoy. Try the following:[16]
    • Learn to play an instrument.
    • Take an afternoon art class.
    • Start a role playing game with your friends.
    • Join a sports team.
    • Enroll in a dance class.
    • Get a pet.
    • Read books.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Building Yourself Up

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    Recognize that bullying is never your fault. You might feel like you did something to attract the bully’s attention, and that’s totally normal. However, it’s not your fault that this is happening. Remember that the bully made a choice to hurt you, so it’s all their fault.[17]
    • Tell yourself, “This is about them, not me.”
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    Picture yourself as the victor and not the victim. Bullying can make you feel like a victim, but that doesn’t mean you have to take on that identity. When you’re feeling upset, imagine yourself overcoming this situation. Visualize yourself being confident and standing up for your needs.[18]
    • This might feel weird at first, but it will get easier over time.
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    Manage your stress so your feelings don’t build up. Bullying is a really stressful situation, so it’s important that you deal with these emotions. Choose stress relief activities that work for you, then include them in your daily routine. Here are some ideas to try:[19]
    • Vent your feelings to a friend.
    • Soak in a hot bath.
    • Exercise for 30 minutes.
    • Write in a journal.
    • Make art.
    • Color in an adult coloring book.
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    Do what you enjoy instead of thinking about the bullies. You deserve to be happy, so don’t let the bullies occupy all of your time. Do something you enjoy every day so you can create a life that you love. This can also help you overcome the bullying and build your confidence.[20]
    • For instance, play sports, dance, make art, volunteer to help animals, play arcade games, go bowling, or hang out at a local coffee house.
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    Build friendships with people who share common interests. Friends make a great support system, so make connections with people you have things in common with. To meet new people, join a club, go to school events, and hang out at popular places. Talk to the people you meet, then connect with them on social media. Soon, you’ll have a thriving friend group![21]
    • Keep up with your friends by messaging them every day.
    • Invite your friends to hang out. You can play games, watch a movie, or go out.
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    Talk to a counselor if you’re struggling to cope with bullying. Dealing with a bully is really tough, and it’s normal to need extra help. Fortunately, a counselor or therapist can help you deal with negative feelings you might have because of your bully. Then, they’ll help you learn healthy ways to cope with your feelings and how to think differently. Talk to your parent or guardian about seeing a counselor.[22]
    • If you can’t go to counseling, try talking to your school counselor.
    • Counseling may be covered by your insurance, so ask your parents to check your benefits.
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Expert Q&A

  • Question
    What motivates an internet troll?
    Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD
    Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD
    Clinical Psychologist
    Dr. Niall Geoghegan is a Clinical Psychologist in Berkeley, CA. He specializes in Coherence Therapy and works with clients on anxiety, depression, anger management, and weight loss among other issues. He received his Doctorate in Clinical Psychology from the Wright Institute in Berkeley, CA.
    Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD
    Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD
    Clinical Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    When posting online, there is a certain amount of people out there who are not giving you genuine feedback and are basically cyberbullies. They are looking to say negative stuff and to criticize you regardless of how good your content is.
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References

  1. ↑ https://www.stompoutbullying.org/get-help/about-bullying-and-cyberbullying/are-you-being-bullied
  2. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/bullies.html
  3. ↑ https://www.stompoutbullying.org/get-help/about-bullying-and-cyberbullying/are-you-being-bullied
  4. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/bullies.html
  5. ↑ https://www.stompoutbullying.org/get-help/about-bullying-and-cyberbullying/are-you-being-bullied
  6. ↑ Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview.24 July 2019.
  7. ↑ https://www.stompoutbullying.org/get-help/about-bullying-and-cyberbullying/are-you-being-bullied
  8. ↑ Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview.24 July 2019.
  9. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/bullying-and-cyberbullying.htm
  1. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/bullying-and-cyberbullying.htm
  2. ↑ Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview.24 July 2019.
  3. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/bullying-and-cyberbullying.htm
  4. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/bullying-and-cyberbullying.htm
  5. ↑ https://www.stopbullying.gov/kids/what-you-can-do/index.html
  6. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/bullying-and-cyberbullying.htm
  7. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/bullying-and-cyberbullying.htm
  8. ↑ https://www.stompoutbullying.org/get-help/about-bullying-and-cyberbullying/are-you-being-bullied
  9. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/bullying-and-cyberbullying.htm
  10. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/bullying-and-cyberbullying.htm
  11. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/bullying-and-cyberbullying.htm
  12. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-couch/201702/6-smarter-ways-deal-bully
  13. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/bullying-and-cyberbullying.htm

About This Article

Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD
Co-authored by:
Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist
This article was co-authored by Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD and by wikiHow staff writer, Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA. Dr. Niall Geoghegan is a Clinical Psychologist in Berkeley, CA. He specializes in Coherence Therapy and works with clients on anxiety, depression, anger management, and weight loss among other issues. He received his Doctorate in Clinical Psychology from the Wright Institute in Berkeley, CA. This article has been viewed 189,130 times.
25 votes - 75%
Co-authors: 68
Updated: August 13, 2020
Views: 189,130
Categories: Dealing with Bullying
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