How to Act Respectfully in Church

Last Updated: October 26, 2022 Approved

Whether you're a first-time visitor or a regular attendee, it's important to understand the etiquette at a Christian church. All denominations and parishes are unique, so the rules may differ slightly depending on where you are. This article covers some of the general guidelines for how to act in church.

Steps

1
Dress modestly and maturely. While expressing yourself can be healthy and fun in a casual setting, it's good to keep it modest and professional at church. Wash up, and wear some of your nicer clothes. Just like how you'd want to dress well when you're going somewhere important, you want to dress well when you're in God's house.^{[1]
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- Avoid strong perfumes and colognes. These can irritate health conditions such as asthma and make it difficult for people to focus.
- Avoid flashy or revealing clothes and makeup. While these might be appropriate for a fun night out with friends, church is not the best place to show off. Keep it modest today.
- Not everybody has nice clothes. People in poverty may not be able to afford them, and people with certain disabilities may be unable to tolerate itchy or stiff fabrics. If that's the case for you, don't worry. Just dress as well as you can, and stay comfortable. God knows you are doing your best.
2
Arrive at church early, bless yourself, and genuflect before sitting quietly in a pew. It is very important to stay quiet. Try to arrive between 5 and 15 minutes early, if possible. If you arrive late, you could interrupt people's focus.^{[2]
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- While you wait for mass to begin, you might pray silently, or quietly socialize with the people around you. Be sure to focus and stop talking when mass begins.
- If you are running late, enter as quietly and discreetly as possible. Try entering during a transition period, so it's less of an interruption.
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3
Shake hands with those around you during the greeting. This is a good time to chat briefly, catch up, and exchange compliments. See if you can think of something nice to say.
- If there's an illness going around (e.g. during flu season), or if you're very afraid of germs, it's okay not to shake hands. You might say "I'd rather not shake hands, but I'm happy to see you."
4
Speak respectfully of your neighbors, both the churchgoers around you and the people who aren't here. There's nothing godly about gossip. Keep your words kind, even towards people you disagree with or dislike. Show God's love to everyone.
- Avoid swearing in church.
- Be understanding of people who are a little different. You don't know what type of cross they have to carry, so don't be rude. Assume that they are doing their best.
- Don't speak in degrading ways about LGBT+ people, people with disabilities, the poor, people of color, and other minorities. God teaches us to judge not. These people need love and respect, not scorn.
- Don't ever joke about or mock Christianity in churches, especially in the more conservative areas in the world. Christians will be very offended and it is extremely disrespectful to churchgoers. Don't speak badly about Christianity either.
5
Pay attention and participate during the service. Once again, this is a sign of respect both to others and to Him. Although it might get boring, keep your thoughts on God. If your mind wanders, at least stay on your best behavior.^{[3]
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- Do your best to be mature during the sermon, even if the topic is uncomfortable (like premarital sex) or you aren't sure you agree with the priest.
- Some people have trouble focusing. If your mind wanders easily, it's okay to say a freestyle prayer in your head to God for a while.
- Singing is a great way to participate and feel closer to God. If you're shy, it's okay to sing quietly, or just follow the words with your mind. (God isn't picky.)
6
Sit, stand, and kneel on cue if you are able. You'll receive directions, and you can copy the people around you. However, if you have limited mobility, then constantly changing position may be painful or slow. It's okay to stay sitting for your own health.^{[4]
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- Some mobility disabilities can be quite painful. Staying still and focusing on the sermon is better than moving around and being in too much pain to concentrate on God.
- Churches can be crowded and stuffy, and some people may be at risk of fainting. If you faint easily, make sure you don't stand up too quickly. It's okay to stay sitting, or to quietly take a break if needed.
7
Take a break if you are having trouble. Most adults can sit still and stay calm in church. If you tend to faint easily, or if you have a disability that affects your attention span, then you might struggle sometimes. It's okay to quietly slip away and walk to the drinking fountain or restroom.
- Don't feel like you have to stay in church if you're feeling faint! God wouldn't want you to hurt yourself. Get fresh air or a drink. If you aren't sure if you can stand safely, quietly ask someone to walk with you and catch you if you fall.
- There's no shame in having a disability like ADHD or autism. God made you unique, and that means that you're going to act differently sometimes. It's okay to take a break if you need one. You can even pray quietly at the drinking fountain if it makes you feel better. We all worship in our own ways.
8
Keep an eye on any children or people with developmental disabilities who are coming with you. Kids and people with certain disabilities may have trouble staying quiet and focused in church. That's just how life is. Pay attention to how they're feeling. Intervene if you see signs of stress, because you don't want them to start screaming or crying in church if you can avoid it.
- Someone with high energy can run around a little before church, to burn off some of their energy.
- It's okay for them to bring a small toy or two to church, as long as it's something quiet. This can sometimes be an outlet for energy, and prevent them from distracting others. If they like to draw, they may be content to bring basic drawing materials.
- If you suspect they might get hungry in church, try bringing a snack that won't leave crumbs (like grapes). This is much better than a messy snack. You want to make it easy for the janitor.
- If you see them getting antsy or upset, suggest that they take a break to get a drink or use the restroom. This is usually enough to help them refocus. If they need constant supervision, you can go with them.
9
Make room for people coming in and out of the pew. This is common knowledge, but people often unintentionally stand on both sides of the pews, blocking the entrance and creating some awkward moments. Be mindful of where you sit.^{[5]
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- If someone is coming, do your best to move out of the way.

Warnings

Do not smoke or use tobacco products during church, or on church grounds. It's impolite, and it could result in trouble breathing for people with asthma or elderly people.

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Sick people do not belong in church. They are probably contagious, and they could spread their illnesses to other people (including vulnerable people like babies, the elderly, and immunocompromised people). They can pray from home, sleep, or watch an online service, instead. They can return to church once they have healed and are no longer contagious.

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