How to Get a Smart Girl to Fall for You

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: November 7, 2022 References

Intelligent girls are often a catch, and many of them know it. While smart girls may be intimidating, they aren’t out of your league. By making a good first impression, spending some time to get to know each other, and displaying good character, you can attract the attention of a smart girl.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Making a Good First Impression

1
Practice good hygiene. Hygiene matters if you want to put your best foot forward—so brush your teeth, floss, use mouthwash, shower, and wash your hair. Also make sure to wear clean, wrinkle-free clothes.
2
Put effort into your appearance. Physical attractiveness matters at least a little to most people. Have pride in your appearance and present the best version of yourself. Make sure to keep your hair soft and tangle-free and wear a nice outfit that you feel good in.^{[1]
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3
Stay away from cliché pick up lines. Since the girl you’re trying to attract is an intelligent one, she’s not going to fall for a silly pickup line she’s heard a dozen times. It’s probably best to keep things simple and straightforward initially.
- Initiate conversation by introducing yourself and asking how she’s doing or by giving her a nice compliment.
4
Don’t pretend to know things that you don’t. If she brings up a topic that you hardly know anything about, don’t act like you know all about it. She will most likely see right through your act and she will probably assume that you’re insecure.^{[2]
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- She will be much more impressed if you own up to not knowing about the subject and simply ask her to tell you a little about it.
5
Have confident body language. You can’t leave a good impression on a smart girl if your body language reflects hesitancy and awkwardness. Keep your hands either strongly folded or open and relaxed and move around the room slowly and deliberately. Sit or stand up straight with your shoulders back. While talking to her, smile often and make eye contact about half of the time.
- Resist the urge to fidget.
- Don’t stare at her, or she might become uncomfortable.^{[3]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Getting to Know Each Other

1
Show interest in learning new things. If you’re curious about topics that you aren’t educated on, she probably won’t mind that you don’t know about them. Go deeper than small talk and ask her about where she grew up or what made her want to go into the job field she’s in.
- Tell her about any enriching experiences you’ve had or hope to have, such as skydiving or traveling to a foreign country.^{[4]
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2
Be yourself. Smart girls want a partner who has a good sense of self. Work on finding out who you are and what you like. Own your qualities and don’t be afraid to reveal your interests and true personality. While it’s hard to be vulnerable around a girl you like, this authenticity will allow her to see you for who you really are.^{[5]
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- If you’re still figuring out who you are, write in a journal each day. This can help you practice mindfulness and become aware of how you really feel about different people and situations.
- Deliberately verbalize your emotions when you’re sharing something with her. This will help her learn more about who you are.^{[6]
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3
Be self-assured, not intimidated. You may feel less intelligent than her, but that doesn’t mean you’re inferior to a smart girl. There’s no need to constantly put yourself down in her presence or let her do all the talking. Carry yourself with confidence and don’t let the perceived differences in your intelligence affect the way you act around her.
- This is especially important if you become a couple, as people may compare her intelligence negatively to yours. If this happens, be secure enough about yourself to brush aside the slight. Say lightly, “We all have our strengths. If her’s is being smarter than me, hopefully she’ll teach me a thing or two!”
4
Find commonalities. As you’re talking, you’re bound to come across at least a few things you have in common. People are typically more interested in those they’re similar to, so it’s a good idea to focus on commonalities.^{[7]
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Research source} Maybe you both like to write computer code, bake, or watch Star Trek. Find things to share and enjoy together.
5
Compliment her. If there is something you like about a girl, whether it’s her personality or some physical attribute, then say something about it. This will most likely make the girl think that you’re a nice person, and it may make her enjoy being with you.
- Tailor your compliments to the girl. "I love your hair" is fairly generic. "You have such beautiful curls" is more specific, making it more personalized and memorable.
- You don't need to constantly compliment her. If she starts to look uncomfortable after the 5th compliment that you've given her in 3 minutes, you're probably overdoing it.
6
Have intellectual discussions. Intelligent girls like to dig below the surface. Some small talk is fine in the beginning and discussing lighter topics from time to time is also okay. However, she’s going to have a hard time connecting with you if you’re constantly talking about things as trivial as the weather. Once you touch on a deeper, more complicated topic, such as politics or religion, it will be stimulating for her to discuss it further.
- Prioritize keeping the conversation flowing, whether that means heading in a deeper or lighter direction.
- Ask her personal questions like: “What’s your biggest fear?” or “What are some important things on your bucket list?”
7
Don’t constantly comment on her intelligence. It’s okay to kindly tell her she’s bright from time to time, but avoid frequently saying things like “Wow, you’re so smart!” or “I never would’ve thought of that!” It gives off the impression that you idolize her, which is unhealthy and won’t come off as very attractive to her.^{[8]
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Talk online or via text. Especially if you’re shy or significantly intimidated, it might be easier getting to know her through text message or by talking on Facebook messenger. This will give you time to think about how best to respond each time, and will give you a chance to do a quick online search if she brings up something you don’t know or understand.
9
Find little ways to touch. Even a light, brief touch can send a message that you're interested and create a small bond between the two of you. Lightly and casually touch her shoulder, hand, or knee during conversation when she makes a point. This is a great way to get her thinking about you in a "more than a friend" way.
- Only touch her if her body language communicates openness and comfort. If her body isn’t facing you or her arms and legs are crossed, she may not be comfortable with you touching her.
- Hugging is a great way to show how compassionate, affectionate, and sensitive you are. Try hugging her as a greeting or after she tells you something personal or emotional.
- Never touch her sexually without her clear, verbal consent.
10
Invest in your own hobbies and passions. Smart girls usually have a lot going on, so she will admire you for being dedicated to your own interests. It isn’t going to impress her if it appears as though she’s the only thing you care about.
- For example, if you love playing guitar and really want to become a great guitar player, make monthly goals for yourself and try to practice 4 or 5 days a week in order to reach your goal.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Having Good Character

1
Show kindness to everyone. A smart girl won’t put up with a person who is disrespectful or mean to her or to others. Always speak kindly to and about others and be chivalrous and well-mannered.
- If you go out to eat with her, make sure to speak to the server politely.^{[9]
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- Hold the door open for her and for others.
2
Work around her schedule. A smart girl very well may have a packed schedule. She’s probably very dedicated to school or her profession, and she most likely won’t be available every second of every day. Be patient and willing to change plans when things come up. This will show her that you are flexible and can handle adjusting to her schedule.^{[10]
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Be honest about what you know. Don’t be intimidated by all of the books she’s read or how many languages she speaks. You may feel especially compelled to show off and prove that you’re as smart as her by lying and saying that you’ve done what she’s done.^{[11]
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Research source} This will only drive her away once she realizes that you’re lying. Instead, open up to her about the things that you do know a lot about.
- Try telling her about the activities, films, or books that you’re passionate about.
4
Be confident, not cocky. Smart girls love a confident attitude. However, they can quickly tell the difference between confidence and arrogance. Have pride in who you are, but don’t be obnoxious and showy about it.
- Often those who are cocky and not confident try to “one up” others by constantly trying to prove that they’re better in one way or another. This will not impress a smart girl.