How to Ask a Best Friend if They Like You

Co-authored by Eddy Baller

Last Updated: December 11, 2022 References Approved

If you have a crush on your best friend, you might feel conflicted. On one hand, you're probably dying to know if they like you back. On the other hand, though, you might also worry that asking could change your friendship forever. Asking them is a brave decision. When you're ready to ask, you'll need mental preparation to make the conversation go well.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Preparing to Ask

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Look for signs of attraction. Before you ask, look for signs that they have a crush on you.^{[1]
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Research source} At best, this will give you confidence as you prepare to ask them. At worst, you'll have a realistic idea of their feelings.
- Watch for changes in your friendship. Does your friend act differently around you? Maybe they laugh more at your jokes or seem shyer. Significant changes in their behavior could mean they've developed feelings for you, especially if they seem nervous or excited.
- If you're bad at reading the signs, ask a mutual friend! Have a conversation about your best friend with them. Casually ask if they know whether your friend likes anyone. Sometimes a second opinion offers an excellent perspective.
- Unless you ask them, you can't know one way or the other. Don't assume you know for sure until you have talked to them.
2
Practice asking them beforehand. Running through your plan before will save you from awkward moments later. If talking aloud helps, try practicing with a friend or in a mirror. Getting the words out can help you visualize the situation better.
- Prepare for the various ways they might respond. What will you do if they say they like you? What if they don't? What if they refuse to respond? You don't have to be a mind reader, but work through multiple outcomes.
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Imagine your own worst-case scenario. Facing your fears before you ask them the question can save you stress and anxiety.^{[2]
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Research source} Maybe they don't like you, they feel uncomfortable, or they don't want to be your friend anymore. Is asking them still worth it? If so, ask them anyways.
- No matter what happens, you might feel relief after. Even if your worst-case scenario happens, you'll know their answer for sure. Only you can decide whether the risk is worth it.
- Thinking about the worst-case scenario can be helpful, but don't approach the conversation with an all-or-nothing attitude. Even if they don't want to be more than friends, you can still stay friends with them.^{[3]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Eddy Baller
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.}
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Find the right time to ask. Think about when and where you and your friend are together. Determine what circumstances would be ideal to ask them in. You will not want to ask them if they like you spontaneously.
- Ask them out in person if you can. While asking through a text or phone call can seem comfortable, you'll appear more sincere in person.
- Where is just as important as when. Find a place that is quiet and secluded from other people. You'll both want to focus on the conversation and not those around you. If you see your friend at a loud or crowded place, walk with them to somewhere you can be alone before you ask.
- Avoid asking them in front of their friends. Your friend may not feel ready to share their feelings with others and might not tell the truth.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Having the Conversation

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Tell your friend you want to ask them a question. Once you've found the right place and time, let them know you want to talk to them about something that's been on your mind lately. If they say now is not a good time, respect their feelings and save the conversation for later. If they're ready to talk, go ahead!
- For example, you could say, "Hey, Emma, are you busy? I have a quick question for you. Could we chat for a second?"
2
Help your friend feel comfortable. One-on-one conversations can be scary, especially when talking about feelings. If you have a natural sense of humor, crack jokes. If not, start with small talk and ease into the personal questions.
- Don't make a big deal when you steer towards the heart of the conversation. If you're visibly nervous, your best friend will also feel uneasy. Avoid putting unnecessary pressure on them.
3
Share your feelings first. If you like them, tell them. If you can be open with them, they will be more open with you.^{[4]
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Research source}
- In some cases, you may not feel attracted to your best friend and have other reasons for asking. In this case, do not lie as a means of getting information. Instead, tell them how meaningful your friendship is.
- You might say, for example, “Tyler, I care about you a lot. Your friendship means so much to me. I'm glad we've gotten to know each other and that we spend so much time together."
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Ask them directly. When asking them who they like, you might attempt to beat around the bush. In this situation, you need to be blunt. Ask them if they like you and, if so, whether they want to be more than friends.
- Let them know that you care about them unconditionally. They may worry that if they do not like you, you will abandon them. Tell them you are here for them, no matter what.
- You could say something like, "Riley, before I ask you this question, I want you to know that I care about you no matter what. Lately, I've noticed that our relationship has changed a little. I've wondered if you might like me more than a friend. Am I right in thinking this?"

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Reacting After Asking

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Listen to their response. If you're nervous, you may feel overwhelmed. Push through the anxiety and pay attention to their response. Try not to color their response with your own emotions. Let them speak as long as they need to, and pay attention.
- Active listening shows your friend that you really do care about them.^{[5]
  X
  Research source} Give them the courtesy to speak because you love them, even if their answer is disappointing.
2
Thank them for sharing, no matter the answer. Your best friend may worry that you are only interested them romantically. If you do care for this person, show them that this isn't the case. Tell them that you appreciate their honesty and care about them a lot.
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Respect their decision. Regardless of the answer, avoid questioning it. If they say they love you, tell them how you feel. If they do not, avoid making them feel bad or guilty.
- After they answer, you may feel overwhelmed if they say no. Remember to practice beforehand to avoid freezing.
4
Continue nurturing your relationship. Once you've finished the conversation, continue developing your relationship.^{[6]
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Research source} If your friend likes you, decide how you want your relationship to change. If they don't, stay in touch and remain their friend.
- After you ask, you may feel uncomfortable around them. It might take time for both of you to process this conversation. Give them time and space alone, if needed.
- Sometimes asking can change the relationship in unintended ways. Romantic feelings are tricky, and your relationship might not be what it was before again. Prepare yourself beforehand, and know it's a risk you must take.