How to Know if You Are Aromantic

Last Updated: June 24, 2022

Do you not understand romantic feelings? Do you not know whether or not you feel them? Or do you not really see the point of being in a romantic relationship? Then you might be aromantic. An aromantic person is a person who doesn't experience romantic attraction.^{[1]
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Steps

1
Understand what being aromantic does and doesn't mean. It is different from asexuality which is not having sexual attraction. Some aromantic people still experience sexual attraction. For example, an aromantic person can still be bisexual. Some aromantics are asexual, meaning they also don't experience sexual attraction.^{[2]
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- Being aromantic doesn't always mean you are disgusted by romance in media. The only requirement for being aromantic is not feeling those romantic feelings.
- You can also be considered under the aromantic spectrum if you experience romantic attraction very infrequently, weakly, under very specific circumstances, among other experiences. This is called grey romantic.^{[3]
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2
Evaluate your feelings. If you feel you may have a crush on someone, think about how you feel deeply. Is this "crush" purely sexual attraction, or would you want to have a romantic relationship with this person as well? This is most likely not a crush and is just lust. Do you think they're really cool and would make a great friend? This is called a squish, and also isn't a crush. Some aromantic people still form intense platonic bonds with people that are neither sexual nor romantic. These bonds are stronger than ordinary friendships.
- If you feel that you may have wanted to be romantic and in a relationship with this person because of other reasons, you may not be aromantic.
3
Find online resources that may help you. AVEN is the acronym for the asexual and aromantic community, and they have forums and resources. You may find resources on LGBTQ websites, although not all of them will have advice for aromantics. Social media is a tricky resource, as people on these platforms may be opinionated and lead you in the wrong direction.
4
Talk to aromantic people if you need advice. LGBTQ and AVEN forums may be useful, as well as Facebook groups. If you can, try to meet aromantic people in your area and ask them for advice. You can attempt to find aromantic people at your school, in a GSA, at pride events, or through friends.
- One great resource for LGBTQ youth is www.trevorspace.org. It's a branch of The Trevor Project, a suicide and counseling hotline for LGBTQ youth. There are many different forums of people asking and giving advice. Through this platform, you can find people that share your experiences and connect. You must be under 25 and over 13 to sign up.
5
Don't feel obliged to act differently than you are. Being aromantic is a romantic orientation, not a personality trait. Anyone can be aromantic. You don't have to alter any aspect of your personality to be a "real" aromantic. Just be yourself, and you'll find your true self sooner!
- Also, it’s valid to try out labels. If you feel aromantic for a while, but then realize you're not, you are still valid and weren't "just going through a phase". Trying out different labels and finding which ones you are the most comfortable with is a crucial step in the questioning process.

Community Q&A

Question

I think I'm aromantic. How can I tell my girlfriend without hurting her? I really care about her, I'm just not in love with her.

Community Answer

You probably won't be able to tell her without hurting her. You can just hope she'll understand your feelings. If she cares about you, she will probably stay by your side, as a friend at least. Don't stay in a relationship with someone if you're not in love with them.
Question

I don't want to come out to my friends as aromantic because they'll just force me into a relationship. What should I do?

Community Answer

If you are not ready to come out, there is no pressure to do so. It is important to be honest with your friends about how you feel and what you want. You can tell them you are busy with school/work and achieving your goals if you don't want to explain to them about being aromantic. If your friends are not supportive, it may be time to reevaluate your friendships. It may also be helpful to reach out to LGBTQA+ communities for more advice and support.
Question

I am confused about whether I am aromantic or not. I like this guy, but I don't want to have a sexual relationship. I'm 11, do you think you could help me?

Community Answer

It's hard to tell at such a young age, as you're still developing. It's very normal for someone at 11 to not experience romantic attraction. However, if you have a crush, chances are you are not aromantic.